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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 3, 2013 0:27:37 GMT
Having a crap day today and it feels like it's only going to get worse. I;m thinking too much and now I am having to deal with a mil who REFUSES to see just how sick her son really is. She knows and accepts that he has major issues, she's witnessed them and been the victim of them but, she refuses to believe he is a pedophile. In her defense I have never shown her the things I found on his computer but I have described them to her and she still just cannot accept it. As soon as I am able to find the usb drive that I stored all of it on I am going to show her the proof.
And, the H woke up in a foul mood, took it out on me and then decided to call a friend of his and offer to take him out to dinner for his birthday just because he has asked me to go out to dinner with him and I just kinda shrugged BECAUSE I was on the friggin phone with his mother. He never gave me the chance to discuss it with him and he never asked me if I wanted to tag along since I know the guy too. Nope he just up and left after announcing his plans. Oh well, I guess it's better this way. I should be getting used to being even more alone and unloved since I am planning to leave him anyway.
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Post by Elementum on Oct 3, 2013 1:24:32 GMT
 You know, it's her creature she raised, there may be more to the back story on that aspect that she will not admit. She's quite the head case herself. I have often wondered about that. How to do that? H was same, some days, Satan rolled out of bed. Sorry you are putting up with that, I know the cruddy feeling. Taking his crappy mood out on you. Being his normal dick self. And Mr. Pleasant with his friend. Dunno about you, but the two faces that they can wear in a split second gives me the willies. To everyone else around, Prince Charming, but as soon as no one else is around to witness the real deal....it turns into the shit fest.  It's easier to be alone, than lonely. Feeling lonely with my husband glowering and ignoring me deliberately? Just the complete Zero thing....is horrid. I know it;s going to be rough for you when you finally do go ER, really rough 20 years is a long time. |
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 3, 2013 2:59:03 GMT
Sad thing is that sometimes I do feel lonely and I don't like that which is why I often end up here or refreshing the page on my Facebook newsfeed a hundred times a minute in hopes someone wants to chat or at least has posted something new. I know, I'm just a pathetic, basement dwelling loser.  |
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Post by Elementum on Oct 3, 2013 3:29:51 GMT
 No negative self talk ER. And get out of the house. Call a friend just to chat or shoot the shit. Haul out the books for the courses you have coming up. Check online if the nursing school is offering anything using mPBL and you may be able to get started ahead of time. Being married to a rotten human for 20 years? yeah...prolly feel really shitty, got you on that one, but the light is shining at the end of the tunnel. |
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 3, 2013 18:56:30 GMT
I know, I know, no getting down on myself but sometimes it's hard not to. I'm a lot better today, got out of the house ALONE, spent some money  (way too much lol) and it helped a lot.  PD's are ignorant asses, at least mine is! If he would just "allow" me to do what I want to do he wouldn't suffer as much LOL. To hear him tell it I'm a psycho and in a bad mood all the time. Yep, he probably does see me that way because anyone who is as independent as I am and doesn't get to live normally would be just as cranky, irritable and obstinate. |
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Post by Elementum on Oct 4, 2013 3:20:06 GMT
Yep And that's exactly what they do not want. They want you dependent on them for their "love" and BS or whatever. Validation from them? That would be an insane proposition. Found myself becoming very PA in the early years as well. Not a good trait.
While waiting out the storm of PD bs it's not fun. That I can attest to. Emotionally it's a walk through hell. NC, once you don't have him in your face leaking emotional crud and what not all over you? Will be better. Still hard, but not this crap.
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 4, 2013 8:08:01 GMT
You know what's so damn funny in my situation? He wants all of the control but when things crash and burn, as they inevitably will, he goes into a tail spin and wants everyone around him to fix it. Sorry bud it just doesn't work that way. Clean up your own mess!  |
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