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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 19, 2013 0:23:26 GMT
Well thanks. Appreciate it "all in a days work" or so they say.
My daughter seems happy here. She has her own room and she is enjoying it.
My ex was blabbering that she wouldn't want her own room and can't fall asleep without TV....... yeah, no tv in room, and here not at all, yet, and guess what, since June, no TV before bed, we read, and no problem at all.
I see how my PD wife with her PD upbringing wants to keep the kid dependent on things and tries to destroy courage.
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Post by Elementum on Oct 19, 2013 3:38:37 GMT
Good insight there. As opposed to instilling confidence in her child she would rather hamstring her. Horrible. PD parents are a danger zone for children. Kids cannot know any different and as a result are more or less programmable from an early age. If they are really observant of others around them, they may question. And then the fireworks go off in the home front. Will also depend I would suppose if the other parent is willing to validate their perspective or not. I'm no psyche major though.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 19, 2013 16:06:08 GMT
When one parent is a PD, who was raised by some type of PD's or other abusers, they IMO try to pass it along.
IME, home life was constant chaos, with my wife making home life hell and being a shit parent.
Kid has a few issues which probably have to do with my wife. Her anxiety from living on eggshells and chaos, doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 19, 2013 17:40:46 GMT
Oh and another result of my wife's actions, which she blames all of it on her lawyer, is that my daughter's friend's parents won't let their kids, (daughter's friends) come over to our house.
Because my wife's lies she told them.
Another incident with that happened today, where obviously the parent's are lying in order for their kid not to come over. My daughter is really hurt.
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Post by Elementum on Oct 19, 2013 21:15:22 GMT
I don't get the connection to blaming it on the lawyer? That would kill me.  To see your little one hurt because of adult decisions that are so cruel to a child. She's just a little girl. Why to take it out on her like that? |
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 19, 2013 23:24:05 GMT
"I don't get the connection to blaming it on the lawyer? "
-Because she can't take responsibility for her actions. Never has, never will, that's why I will never again be with her. Also she probably wants me to believe that and take her back.
All I know, is that is was her, and I'm so thankful it's over. Only an idiot would believe that it was all her lawyer.
Stupid PD, I guess it was also her lawyer telling the friends parents all the bad stuff about me. Yeah, it sucks. They all think such bad things of me thanks to my wife. I could care less, but it sucks my daughter's friends can't come over.
Ii'm thinking of saying something and maybe writing a letter or text message.
Good idea, or should I just let it be?
When the parent saw me at my old house, she looked stunned.
I wonder if they were thinking After bibble-babble-babble said all those horrible lies, why would she have me over?
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Post by Elementum on Oct 20, 2013 0:47:40 GMT
Doh! Right, I forgot. But the spin on that still blows me out of the water. Too unreal. And the other thing, they Do think we are idiots. They Lie, we Believe the new reality. Doesn't work like that though.
It's terrible and unfair to your daughter and at the same time, as adults, they also need to be keeping their own eyes open for the truth of the matter. When I am hearing the lousy story from one partner, I wonder what the other partner was really doing and is like. Form my own opinions when I meet them.
Might help you to feel better, but then it is ammo for her lawyer. The other thing, it's adults that are doing this ostracizing of your daughter, and they are the ones believing the NPD crap. Does your daughter have a favorite friend? Somebody she would really like to have come over? Maybe talk one on one with the parents. Let them know the truth of the matter from your side. They can make their own call then.
Probably, but who knows what all she said? Was she accusing you of molesting your daughter to gain custody? Things like that.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 20, 2013 14:45:03 GMT
No she claimed I was neglecting our child and sleeping all day, abusing her (wife) and abusing drugs. Said I sit around all day watching tv, while taking a shitload of medications and other drugs. Stuff like that, which I'm guessing because she told CPS that. It's funny because she is the one who sits around all day, and naps on her days off. I sleep maybe 6-7 hours a night, up at 6 or 7, and I work on stuff till 11.
So CPS or Division of Youth and Family Services (DYFS) had come to the conclusion of Unfounded, as they did 4x before. The thing is, she could go again 10 more times and they'd have to investigate. I get no "compensation" for her falsely accusing me, not once, not twice, but 5 times.
Once the settlement is done, and divorce over, I'm writing her a letter, telling her how she blew it and list all the fucked up shit she did, so she forever knows how she F'd it up.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 24, 2013 0:48:09 GMT
How annoying. She calls me because she can't use a computer and needs help with daughter's homework assignment that is online. Which is pretty easy to find had she paid attention and become involved in that aspect of being a mother.
btw, schools see who the active parent is pretty easy, the ones who visit the sites and email, but that's for another days conversation. So when I hear her pontificate about what a wonderful involved parent she is, the school will laugh.
So anyway, it took me two minutes to find the info and ten to explain where it is. I actually had to read her the menu bar and explain how Related Arts also meant language arts. Then explain how you look at links, Ugh, so in need of the ability to figure stuff out.
Then I'm ready to hang up and she starts with the "how do you feel about us hanging out as a family and why doesn't it bother you like it bothers me, and what are your feelings on....." "it really bothers me, so why doesn't it bother you, and how come......"
I gave her a quick "Okay, listen I gotta go, bye." Because I was about to throw up in my mouth.
Sorry, I have stuff to do, don't feel like sitting here and listening to you blabber on about, Why, How, How come, why doesn't it, why do you, etc., etc.
Gotta go. Seriously, like I want to sit here and listen to that.
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Post by Elementum on Oct 24, 2013 2:07:29 GMT
 And she wants to play happy family? After all that and pretend nothing happened? Just white wash it all. That would drive me batty. I know exactly what you mean though, not the same circumstances or accusations, but the blank of awareness of the hurt it caused you. She can't figure out how to use the PC to help with your daughter's homework? Weird. She is not aware that you are divorced or something? Strange. And you know something else, there is more awareness in your wife that you are bothered by something than there is in stbx. Not that it makes any difference. Their actions over the years and how they harmed us and the r/s just doesn't enter into their awareness at all. |
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 24, 2013 3:03:45 GMT
"And you know something else, there is more awareness in your wife that you are bothered by something than there is in stbx. Not that it makes any difference. Their actions over the years and how they harmed us and the r/s just doesn't enter into their awareness at all. "
Don't get what you mean. Do you mean that she knows I'm bothered? Not getting what you mean. Do you mean caring?
She asks why I'm not bothered by ABCD and E, and wants to know why it doesn't bother me.
That's really simple. It's because I don't give a shit about her, about us. Done and over.
Yep, whitewash it all like that never happened at all. She wants to pretend we can forget about that and move on.
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Post by Elementum on Oct 24, 2013 3:13:16 GMT
She is bothered, projecting that on to you. But she cannot see why you are not bothered in the same way. Other things and aspects are bothering you, which she picks up on but reads them incorrectly.
Straight to finalizing the divorce from your end. From hers, "Let's play family."
Your wife minimum can read that something bothers you, stbx, nothing dents on him. Nothing. He mirrors my walls. He can't see where or how that came to be. I give him nothing to feed off of. And he mirrors that back as he can't look at his past actions and draw the logical lines that extend to the present. So of course, everything is my fault.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 24, 2013 3:23:04 GMT
"She is bothered, projecting that on to you. But she cannot see why you are not bothered in the same way"
-Wow, you got it really well. That's spot on.
Ain't that so PD? that it doesn't bother you and it kills them. They must feel like their PD supply is slipping away.
In a nutshell I don't give a shit that it's bothering her. I will not explain and justify why to her. I owe her nothing.
"Other things and aspects are bothering you, which she picks up on but reads them incorrectly. "
Yes, like when she incessantly begs me to talk. She knows I hate confrontation so she waits to corner me to try and talk.
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Post by Elementum on Oct 24, 2013 8:29:19 GMT
Is it confrontation though?
Sometimes I wonder.
Name calling, yelling, blaming that is confrontation territory. Guilt trips are JADE material. Gas lighting? Same. Twisted logic= JADE.
Accusations = JADE + roll eyes.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 24, 2013 15:31:21 GMT
No not like a true confrontation, more like cornering and asking the same thing over and over. Like you stated, "projecting that on to you. But she cannot see why you are not bothered in the same way."
She knows what I don't like, and that's dealing with questions I find uncomfortable, because of how she uses pity and the "poor me" nonsense.
I'd rather just not talk to her. In fact, I don't have to talk to her, only for my daughter.
Last night after her nonsensical questioning about why, why not, why doesn't it, I don't understand, I don't understand why,
I just never called her back.
So today I had to pick kid's stuff up before she went to school and the "I thought you were going to call me back" nonsense came.
It's really pitiful how she doesn't get that I owe her nothing, nor do I really care to talk to her.
She's on this "I can't handle being just friends" kick, which goes to show how selfish she is. She again misses the point that it's for our daughter, not for her.
So this whole notion of doing it for the child is beyond her, even though she uses the phrase and terms. Because for her, it's only about her.
So in a nutshell the truth is "I can't handle being friends for our daughter because I'm not getting what I want from it"
Our daughters therapist suggested family counciling last night. WHAT THE F_CK??? She said it's not to mend things, but work together for our daughter.
I later found out my wife told the therapist how it's hard for her to be friends.
So again, wtf? What is the therapist doing, overstepping her bounds for sure
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To see your little one hurt because of adult decisions that are so cruel to a child. She's just a little girl. Why to take it out on her like that?