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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Nov 25, 2013 2:03:48 GMT
My so called "father" has been diagnosed with lung and pancreatic cancer. I don't care but I'm trying to be a Christian about it and I think I'm failing miserably. My baby sister says she doesn't care but she's upset because he didn't call her to tell her. I don't know why she expects him to give a shit about either of us since he never has before. That bastard is the one who raped me and my cousin for years. We were just babies and I finally got away from him when I was 13 and she got married as soon as she turned 18 the following year. He also raped my baby sister until he was caught, she was 6 years old when he was caught but the damage had already been done to her mentally and emotionally.
She maintained a r/s with him because our family forced her to through guilt. I was the lucky one, I got away and refused to ever acknowledge him again. I also was ostracised by my family because they believed him over me although, I was not the only victim, I was the only one who ever spoke up and told on him. I was labeled a liar, problem child and a troublemaker for my efforts.
I refuse to pray for him because I don't care if he suffers. In my opinion he deserves to suffer and I will not ask God to ease his suffering. My sister has prayed for him but I just can't bring myself to do it. I will probably go to hell for not being merciful and forgiving but I just cannot bring myself to pray for the bastard. Maybe one day I can forgive him but I have the strangest feeling it won't be until I know he's stone cold dead and rotting in hell. The sad part is that he will likely not go to hell because he does, can you believe this shit, believe in God.
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Post by Elementum on Nov 25, 2013 2:48:22 GMT
(((ER)))
His "beliefs" won't save him, his actions already condemned him.
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Nov 25, 2013 13:33:49 GMT
I'm having a very hard time not gloating about it. I'm trying to remain neutral about the whole thing but a wicked smile and a feeling of satisfaction keeps creeping over me. I was wondering last night when he might die and I kept thinking maybe it would be on my birthday because that would be the most awesome gift I ever received!
I know, I sound absolutely horrible but it's very difficult not to feel some satisfaction in his suffering. I have suffered all of my life because of him and he has walked through life totally unfazed. I think I'm allowed to feel SOME kind of justice is being served since I never got justice in the traditional sense. Maybe I'm just a cold hearted, soulless bastard like him but so be it if I am.
I want to write him a letter and tell him what I think and how I feel but the only reason I don't is because he truly does not care. My husband isn't even as cold and soulless as my father, believe it or not, my husband has a conscience which proves he's not a sociopath or a psychopath. My father on the other hand is every kinda "path" there is in the world of mental illness!
Other than feeling vindicated I'm angry because my sister is suffering and I hate him for that.
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Post by Elementum on Nov 29, 2013 13:57:21 GMT
((((ER)))))
Write it for yourself...then burn it. Bury it. Whatever you need to do to get it out. Were I in your shoes, I would not feel any differently.
What your father did leaves me feeling murderous so...
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Nov 29, 2013 15:00:21 GMT
I probably should write it for myself, some people have suggested that I start a journal but it scares me that anyone might read it. I already have enough ppl in the world who hate me no need to create more lol. This will all pass once he's dead and that can't come soon enough.
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Post by Elementum on Nov 29, 2013 15:35:30 GMT
Your call. If it would help you to do that, then do that. What others think? Well, that's their problem. Child abuse is horrific and the scars it leaves are cruel. (((((ER)))))
Hate you for exposing your sick father? Doubt it. Takes guts.
My blood runs cold when I think of anyone harming a child. So, I kind of shut my hole on that.
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Nov 29, 2013 16:14:02 GMT
Trust me, there is NOTHING you can say that I have not already thought, felt or said myself about my father. I have no feelings toward him at all. He is the lowest piece of scum ever to grace this planet and even that's not harsh enough to describe him.
As for the journal I would write much more than just about my father and that's where I would get in trouble. As for anyone hating me for talking about him? I already lost my entire family because I told on him when I was 13. They chose to believe him and his lies so that doesn't concern me at all. They are the ones who lost out on being a part of my life I lost nothing by not being a part of theirs.
Child sexual abusers have no rights in my opinion and should be tortured to death slowly or we could just lock them all up in prison general population and let the other prisoners take care of them. I hate that child rapists get special accommodations just because other prisoners hate them and will kill them, that's what they deserve in my opinion.
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Post by Elementum on Nov 30, 2013 1:04:15 GMT
That's about the only real justice they would ever get under the current system.
((((ER))))
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Dec 7, 2013 4:04:39 GMT
Well I just found out that my father died at 7:45 PM EST. I'm just shocked it happened so fast but I really don't feel anything else. I was actually hoping he would die soon anyway and just get the whole friggin business out of the way and stop dragging everyone along. Guess I got my wish eh? Do I sound cold and heartless? I just really don't feel anything, I'm not numb I just don;t give a flying shit lol. What's really weird though is that around the exact time he died he popped into my head. I think I should throw a party what do you think? I told my husband and he immediately congratulated me and said well, he's finally dead. I think that is just the most appropriate thing he's ever said. I;m sitting here giggling about it. God I sound like a soulless psychopath. Oh well, good ol dad and his family made me that way  |
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Post by Elementum on Dec 7, 2013 10:00:59 GMT
I;d say I am sorry...but I am not. You are one very fine soulless psychopath from what you have written to date.
Don't know about the rest of the world, nor do I care, but he lost the right to breathe the first time he even thought to touch his own child for his own sexual gratification. That's just evil.
Years ago, friend of mine, her father was a psychologist working with abused children, he had to quit. He couldn't take it anymore. Some really sick freaks in the world.
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Dec 7, 2013 18:08:52 GMT
It's weird but today I just feel lighter than air and like I can take on the whole world! If I had known his death would make me feel this damn good I might have killed the bastard off myself years ago LMAO!
I feel bad for my sister because she is confused and not sure how she should feel. I am trying my damndest to support her and not say anything that may upset her. She still had that flicker of hope that he would change and that he would be the dad she always wanted and needed. I on the other hand knew he would never change and even if he had the damage he created could never be undone with just a simple "I'm sorry". I love my sister but she really needs to wake up and see people as they really are and not what they present to her.
She posted the news on her facebook page and it makes me sick how many people who knew him are saying what a great guy he was. I want to enlighten them but I'll let them live in their fantasy world because I know the truth and so do all of his victims.
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Post by Elementum on Dec 8, 2013 0:48:34 GMT
yep. There was a post a while back about an obituary of an N mom, it was pretty vile. The kids hammered her. They got to say their piece. It's whatever works for you. Were he alive? I would think differently. Remaining silent allows the abuse to continue.
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Dec 8, 2013 1:44:28 GMT
It never mattered how much I spoke up about him when he was alive because no one believed me. His dil (I refuse to call her my sil) was his biggest advocate. It's all because of the money and things she thinks she's going to get from his death. I don't care what the bastard had his wife and his son and dil can have it all. Anything I may have received of any value would have been sold, auctioned or gifted to a charity for abused women and children. I figure since he was an abuser of both in his lifetime that it would be fitting to give his money/valuables away to them so that some good came of it. I know my sister and I will get nothing because he hated us for being female. The only child he had is our brother so let him fight the 3rd wife for everything. Her only living heir is in prison for allowing her boyfriend to murder her 20 month old son. May they all rot in hell.
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Post by Elementum on Dec 8, 2013 3:17:49 GMT
What a mess. Makes my FOO look like a Saint's club.
Good that you are feeling light/ relief. Makes sense to me that you would.
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Dec 8, 2013 3:51:28 GMT
Honey, you don't know the half of it. I swear one day I'm gonna write a book.
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