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Post by Elementum on Oct 26, 2013 18:46:16 GMT
Remember years ago, was a religious discussion with a group of people, and was talking about carte blanch, and for some reason stbx became very incensed by the whole concept that it does not exist. That at some point, we pay for our errors in some form or another. Accountability that would be forced whether we wanted it or not.
This is what kills me and the parents trying to protect their kids.
The rest is the adult crap. We know that and it's something of a ludicrous joke the adult damage when you take a look at the damage it can cause to a child. Adults can leave, we have that choice and ability and cognizance to recognize that there is a real problem. Children do not.
Adults get hammered by this crap, but compared to what the children deal with? They don't even know it's wrong. They can't fight it, because the parents are like Gods at that stage.
Looking through a child's eyes watching and hearing their parents fight and bicker...what are they feeling and thinking? How sad is that?
Good plan. I would do it.
. None of them really ever will I am pretty sure. And I can no longer bother to torture myself with the 'hope,' it's futile. Not because he couldn't do the work, but because from my own selfish perspective, I won't be there to enjoy it and I don't feel the same at all. Just don't. Too much damage. Reading on the other boards, people talk about the connection . Betrayed trust too early on and I stopped to share. Did not have that connection with stbx. Interesting. Really not the same thing at all. The first years the boundaries were hammered, but I'd not needed such boundaries before. Weird, could feel his emotions before he opened his mouth and it wasn't body language. Something upset him, I was crying. I had cramps, he had a bad stomach. Enmeshment much? Whenever he talks or deals with his mother, he is always upset. Every single time. He is a roiling ball of emotion that tortures himself and pushes himself so hard. Without the PD? He'd be a great husband. But the Disorder wins the battle.
He's home in a couple days, and it's back to walking the razor's edge.This is going to be so damn hard.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 26, 2013 19:05:26 GMT
Yeah well stbEx probably said some bad stuff. It's a shame because they're kid would be over all the time, even sleepovers in my care alone. Now I can see when I even speak to the mother how cold she is and what a POS she must think I am. You should have seen how confused she was when she saw me over there. Maybe in her mind, she was thinking why is he there when wife said he was X,Y,Z, or maybe they thought I was forcing my way over.
All I know is that all my daughters friends parents would text me on a every day to every few days basis, to whenever they wanted to set something up,
then stopped as soon as the day after the event.
What do I think of them (parents)?
Disappointed in the Best Friend's parents, but I understand to a degree.
The other parent, really stupid woman, who I would never again text the way I did before, because she assumed what stbEx said to be true, without even asking me. With her it actually feels like a betrayal because she never asked how I was doing and took stbEx stories as 100% truth.
Maybe worse was how the school sees me, taking her word, even being treated like a criminal after CPS told them unfounded. Of course the school took her side.
So all that and stbEx still thinks it's possible to hang out on weekends, or meet for coffee. Truly amazing how PD's don't take any responsibility.
Being friends for our daughter after what she did is not enough for her because it's not for her.
So because it's not satisfying her selfish needs, "she can't handle it", yet she then asks me to call her to hang out, actually call her to find out her schedule and beg her to take a day off....... amazing.
PD's are almost identical, selfish.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 26, 2013 19:16:55 GMT
Without accountability you can never see truths and make progress. Because the blame is always not yours.
This whole thing is just mindblowing.
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Post by Elementum on Oct 26, 2013 19:46:33 GMT
Feel really bad for you and your daughter. It's frightening how as adults people are willing to simply believe one side of the story and not take a look or even have the interest to see the other side. Mind you, that's our society in general as well. "Mind your own business, don't get involved." Kind of selfish and self centered in general.
If adults are unwilling to even ask the questions that are necessary it's a sad state. Add to that, they take it out on a small child? Leaves them not much better when you compare them to the PD that was spreading the story around. Ultimately, who pays the price? The child.
yep. Completely unaware.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 26, 2013 20:59:29 GMT
Here's the big thing.
Our daughter needs allot. While she is normal, she has some issues like anxiety and being shy. The confidence and self love is there because I make that a huge deal, almost cocky to a degree.
The shy part is who she is. The anxiety is from the chaos at home, from also hearing my stbEx being afraid of her own shadow, and sounding like an idiot, and creating fear of everything.
So being that she needs allot, you'd figure stbEx would realize this, but no, it's for her own selfish needs.
So what is she going to say? If you can't give me what I want screw our daughter's needs? Because that is exactly what it is.
She's a selfish, stupid and ignorant child in a woman's body. And yes she is stupid, that's not an insult, that is the truth. One of the most stupid human beings I have ever met.
She actually said that since our daughter is so beautiful, she's excited that other girls will be mean out of jealousy and hate her because she's beautiful.
That's is verbatim, I kid you not.
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 26, 2013 21:11:53 GMT
CG, please record the shit she says and play it for CPS, the judge, your lawyer and anyone else in authority. Your wife needs to have her parental rights stripped away from her. Only God knows what she says to your little girl when you aren't around, at any rate I'm certain whatever she says it is never healthy.
My own mother used to lament about how jealous she is of me because I am tall (I was 5'7" before my accident), how slender my legs and ankles are, how beautiful my hair is because it's naturally curly and on and on. I felt like I had no right to be pretty and coupled with the verbal beat down from my father I have no self esteem when it comes to my looks or abilities. Don't let her do that to your little girl because sadly the negative reinforcement almost always negates the positive.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 26, 2013 21:26:08 GMT
No, what I say to her as far as confidence I think is enough. It's genuine too, and doesn't sound like fluffy feel good stuff. My ex will say shit about eating too much, which I have stepped in and told her to stop. Yet my ex buys $100 worth of crap every week, then babbles about she's eating chips or other junk. That was a big problem when I was there, because she'd blow our budget on crap.
If it's not there then it won't be eaten. My kid doesn't like sweets, or soda so we are okay there. She actually points out that potato chips have vitamins and protein, un real.
My daughter has confidence thank God, but kids say stuff that hurts, no matter what parents say. And I tell her that. I tell her that there will be some mean kids, but they will be jealous or don't have confidence themselves. I try and give my kid all the facts. One good thing which my stbEx doesn't get is that my daughter on some things doesn't care what others think, and it bothers her, IDK why. She switched therapists because the other one agreed with me. And guess what, it's still the same. That didn't change. She expects therapists to do the parenting work, as if they are wizards and warlocks, who push a button.
I mean I just don't get how my stbEx thinks. Why would you be happy other girls would hate her? She is also worried daughter will get pregnant, not realizing not every girl lets their boyfriend cum inside them because they don't like condoms. She is so stupid it's unreal. The thinks she really thinks is amazing that a person could think those things. Why would you want anyone to hate her?, as if it;s some pinnacle.
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 26, 2013 22:54:46 GMT
I pray your influence on your daughter is enough but if I ever heard of my ex saying things like that to or about my child it would take everything in me not to beat them to death. It's too easy to beat down a child, they have no defense mechanisms, and that's why cowards target them for abuse. I cannot imagine a mother, of all people, hoping that their child will be hated by her peers, that is just vile and she does not deserve to be around your daughter. IMO, she doesn't deserve to even be a mother thinking like that. That's almost as bad as when my mother accused me of wanting a sexual r/s with my father just because I didn't take her word on everything she said about him but went to him myself to ask questions. Who the hell thinks like that?! Only sick and broken people.
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Post by Elementum on Oct 27, 2013 4:28:05 GMT
She is a little child of course she needs a lot. The anxiety at such a young age is really sad. But given the mother is a self absorbed fruit cake it's not a wonder. Years ago, a friend of mine had an NPD mother, and she really hated her mom. I didn't have any clue about NPD , but now I know what it was about. It was her father that she was close to.
Sick. Sick. Sick. Why on earth would she be excited about that?
(((ER))))
Good. She does her own thinking and forms her own opinions. That will help her with her mother and life in general. Your Ex wants to control the situation with her daughter right down to her thought patterns. Scary!
She's really worrying about some stuff in strange ways. How old is your daughter right now? Let's hope she has a strong enough sense of herself that she will not be rushing into having sex while still a young teenager. That can mess up her future in a bad way. As for why she would want people hating her, makes No sense. Pinnacle of stupidity is that thought.
Little OT: Friend of mine did a study on local teens, #1 fear was pregnancy. #2 STD's. #3 People finding out they were sexually active. And of course there exists the gender difference. Lots of pressure but many kids were also influenced more strongly by family values and parenting style. Depended on the familial dynamics and the parents as role models. There were also several other co factors that affected the probability of sexual interactions at that age.
Could not agree more.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 27, 2013 14:31:59 GMT
Umhhmmh (clear throat), directed at stbEx, when parents do actual parenting, it cuts down on these things like pregnancy I believe.
She's a fucking moron.
Sorry, hate to say those things, (and I never said that to her, btw) but her "mind" or that organ never used, just doesn't compute right.
I mean so awful how her mind works and what she may hear at her Mom's. But I can only control what goes on here. Hopefully I can keep her sane enough here to avoid whatever happens over there.
ER I'm sorry that happened. I don't know how one deals with that type of stuff. You seem to be such a sane person and doing okay. Just keep on keeping on.
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Post by Elementum on Oct 27, 2013 15:42:30 GMT
Your ex is a real prize. *eye roll*
She is daddy's little girl and that is a bond psycho mom can't break. It's powerful stuff. You will have greater influence with her by being the one to validate her and help her to find herself. Kids are not blind and deaf, they have their own thoughts. My mom was the one who agreed with what I was seeing and hearing, but in the back ground. Even I was daddy's "favorite" I wasn't blind.
Not going to be easy, but you can do it.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 27, 2013 16:22:14 GMT
last place prize.
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 27, 2013 18:54:03 GMT
Thanks CG but I do have my issues lol. I'm working very hard on just being happy despite all that I have been through.
I pray that your situation becomes easier the longer you are away from your stbx. I know you still have your daughter as a link to her but at least you aren't living with her anymore and you can always ignore her calls and such. Right now things are still very raw but with time and distance her games won't affect you so much anymore.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 27, 2013 20:06:28 GMT
We all have issues.
You sound of solid mind. I l know you'll work through them.
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Post by Elementum on Oct 28, 2013 1:03:35 GMT
We all have issues. Same here. ER, your history blows me out of the water and is proof of the power of the spirit and the Will to overcome. The PD hell/ Destroyer of Worlds as CG put it, does serious damage. And does open up the strangest old wounds along the way.  |
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