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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 25, 2013 20:00:43 GMT
About a few hours ago my stbEx asked me to call her about child. She then began to babble about how child wants to see her, blah blah blah.. I know this to be her creating false truths so I don't even bother to discus. Then came the total mind blowing statement. "Why don't you ever ask me to hang out on weekends." WTF! ARE YOU KIDDING?  You do know we are divorcing right? What is she taking because I want some. I asked her doesn't she work thinking it would be an obvious brush off, and she then said "well you can ask me to take off" "why don't you ask me to hang out" Wow. She really is lost. The sickening part of it is that she has no problem creating false statements or using child as a tool to hang out. And then the "why don't you call me back like you said you would" She is setting herself up to be really disappointed. I cannot continue to be nice. I have to start treating her distant. Because I do not like her. Also with kids playdates, This 3 way setting up of playdates or situations is annoying. So I now see how powerful the PD supply is, that they'll do anything. My guess is that she can't find any. BTW, when she talks, I feel like this:  |
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 25, 2013 20:34:36 GMT
She is trying to manipulate you. She is playing pitiful to appeal to your sympathies and compassion in hopes that you'll forgive and forget what she has done. PD's do not like to lose and she's losing this battle at keeping you at her side and in her life. It does not matter what she has done because she sees herself as the victim and you're the big bad meanie that's making her suffer.
If she cannot leave a message explaining WHY she needs to speak to you then do not call her back, that's her ploy. She thinks if she can get you on the phone then she has you trapped and can then plead and beg. Next time she starts that tell her to look in the mirror because the person staring back at her has all the answers for why your marriage failed, then hang up.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 25, 2013 20:49:21 GMT
Thanks. You are spot on.
<b>You are 100% correct</b>
I did reply 3 hours later to her text and asked her what it was about, and unless an emergency, I'd speak to her later.
Of course she tried to trick me by saying it was about daughter.
What is was about was her fabricated requests by my daughter that she wants to see her at night, on one of my days.
Funny, because daughter knows I'd let her go, but somehow never asks. My wife makes these things up. She has no shame.
<i>"She thinks if she can get you on the phone then she has you trapped and can then plead and beg"</i>
YES!!! that is exactly what she does.
And she will actually complain that I don't call her back.
So is this going to continue until her PD supply gets replenished?
I need my 3 things (computer, monitor, stereo, camera), which somehow I think I should get quick.
But I hate even going over there. I am holding all the cards because I could really f_ck her because she is dead broke. I won't though. I want my daughter to have a place to live, not with grandparents.
So I'm going to make a list of all the stuff she can keep, so she feels like she's getting something, and I can take my stuff.
Even though those things are mine, she somehow feels like we can negotiate and she can keep one of them, for who knows why.
If I make a list saying you can keep all material things besides my stuff, somehow her childish mind will feel like she's won.
She's so petty. My hard earned stuff she actually thinks she has a right to and we can trade. Even though she;s keeping TV, couch etc, it's not enough for her, she wants more. She can't even use the monitor, yet she just wants it.
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 25, 2013 21:22:47 GMT
Oh yes, I go through that as well with the "stuff". I'm allowed to leave as long as I leave everything behind but the clothes on my back. Little does my H know that when I leave I am taking all of my clothes, all of the pets and my few sentimental things. He can have everything else because stuff can be replaced, the love, trust and security that he destroyed cannot. Sadly we have to play their game by their rules if we are to have any peace and then that is no guarantee.
Depending on how dependent they are they will fabricate reasons to stay in our lives. Ya know? I have cried many tears over the fact that I cannot get pregnant but it honestly has been a blessing because I would never want to bring a child into this. God knows I would kill anyone who harmed my child and that would be unfair to me and my baby.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 25, 2013 21:44:59 GMT
I think I know the strategy.
Find reasons for contact, and then keep finding more questions, concerns, ideas to keep the relationship alive.
She asks the same question 5 different ways, so I just keep telling her "I just answered you", and she tries to keep digging and then tries to set up meetings to discuss.
Somehow she thinks I owe her answers or calls back.
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 25, 2013 21:58:47 GMT
Yep, you got it. I bet they lay awake at night thinking of ways to torment us because they are so tormented themselves. As soon as she started with the questions I would just not say anything at all and hang up the phone. Let the dead air and the hang up tone be your answer.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 25, 2013 22:18:42 GMT
Talking to her and her questions is like someone pulling your toenails out very slow.
The same question, asked 5 different ways. I mean honestly how many times can you say the same thing.
Why would I want to hang out?
I guess she figures she'll get her way.
It goes like this:
"Does it bother you? Why doesn't it bother you? Will it bother you, why won;t it bother you, does it ever bother you?, did it ever bother you that it doesn't bother you?,why doesn't it bother you?, will it not bother you if you know why it won't will never bother you? Does it bother you that it didn't bother you if it never bothered you that it won't bother you?
It's unreal.
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 25, 2013 23:33:04 GMT
I would definitely hang up lol
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Post by Elementum on Oct 26, 2013 1:42:14 GMT
* Groan.*
CG, that has me dreading me more now...urgh.
It's like you are her home entertainment unit. Stbx pulled a similar thing, weekends, why don't you plan something fun on the weekend for us? Uh...no. Hanging out with someone who acts like an Ahole during the rest of the week doesn't get me on the weekends trapped somewhere.
I am kind of wondering if we are not underestimating the effect of narcissistic injury here. It's not about love or reciprocity with them. The other side and their feelings and the actions of one against the other doesn't factor into their awareness. In your case, the end games with CPS. How she can "forget" that and not consider their impact? Mind boggling.
ER
As soon as you started packing your clothes, 9/10 he would be screaming at you in the bedroom and grabbing your stuff out of the bags. That's happened, after he "kicked me out" , makes me crazy. Thank heavens no children. I cannot imagine what it would be like if I had a child and how to protect him/her from that chaos.
I think, and could be wrong on this one, that she is looking for an emotional response. Something she can feed on. It's in reverse though. She is looking for validation of her emotions of whatever it is that is bothering her. Stbx used to do stuff like that, but I threw it back. She is looking for an agreement with you on her emotions.
I sooo hate dealing with this stuff!
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 26, 2013 1:56:24 GMT
Yes Mea, that is exactly what happens, it's been that way for almost 20 years. He screams at me and calls me vulgar names, threatens me and so on, then tells me if I don't like it that I should pack my shit and leave. When I call his bluff and attempt to do just that he goes nuclear ballistic. Those are some of the times when I have been physically hurt the worst the other times are when I am being falsely accused of things he has concocted in his own head and either I deny it or say nothing at all. No matter what I say or do I am guilty so now I just agree with him. It's a lose/lose situation for certain.
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Post by Elementum on Oct 26, 2013 7:44:11 GMT
((((((ER)))))))))
Same crap.
Lose/Lose...the only way to "win" is to Leave.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 26, 2013 16:33:50 GMT
Yes, but after leaving they are still around. They want carte blanch on they're evil actions and want you to allow it.
My stbEX, yes Ex penalty will be forever wanting to know why, why not, why can't you, etc. etc., etc. and not getting an answer, forever wanting to know why I'm not asking her to hang out.
Forever wanting..... and not getting. Because in a way they're inability to understand why and not accept the wrong they do, keeps them stuck in this forever.
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 26, 2013 17:45:37 GMT
Yes CG, it does keep them stuck unless they one day realize they are not healthy and seek help. In your stbx's case I don't think that day will come. In Mea's case her stbx won't come to that day either, as for my H he may come to that day but he is such a pessimist that he won't bother because he is already defeated before he tries. Thanks monster in law for drowning your son in your issues and creating them in him.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 26, 2013 18:09:21 GMT
monster in law
NOT ALLOWED!!!!! I am so offended. We don't say that here. Where is BlowGlo when you need her wisdom. LOL.
But yes if you don't take responsibility then you never are able to move ahead. Today I am working at a library in town because my daughter is on a 3 hour playdate and I can't drive back and fourth 4x, because thatd be $30 in gas. It'd be so simple if they'd let their kid come over, but thanks to stbEx, that'll never happen. She poisoned their mind about me. My daughter is the one who is most hurt.
I am going to write that letter to them, outlining the 5x my stbEx called CPS and each time how it was found "UNFOUNDED", and how it;s a shame that my daughter is the victim.
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 26, 2013 18:21:09 GMT
LOL too bad CG I call a spade a spade  I hope for your daughters' sake that you can get this all straightened out. The other parents can't be so stupid that they believe CPS would allow you to keep your daughter if she were in any danger. It just boggles the mind how ignorant people can be when they allow emotions to over-rule reason. |
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