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Post by Elementum on Oct 23, 2013 2:43:06 GMT
Stand back and see if you have been painted black as a result.
Had a GF who pulled similar stunts until I kind of stopped being her ATM. Turned out later, she had done same to pretty much everyone else around here as well.
I was "cut off" as a result of my lack of continued gullibility. Nice lady, but some things were over the top. Her call , but my call to close bank access.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 23, 2013 14:24:41 GMT
I needed to rant, but today is a new day. I know that his intentions aren't to deceive, he is just in a bad spot, created by himself.
However, we all create the bed we sleep in. I have to worry about myself and daughter so I cannot keep putting my time out there for people to abuse.
It only stops when we stop it, and I have. As I said, advice and light consulting is free, nothing else.
I'm sorry that he is in his financial situation, but that is his fault in many ways.
I am not in a great spot either, however when I need something, I'll do it myself or work something out.
He has not done that. He didn't put anything together as I had asked several times. He went to the Post and instead of seriously finding details out and the info, he just threw a half asked question out there because he figured other people would do it instead, clearing himself of any responsibility.
It's so simple when you think about people and their actions. Entitlement is easy to spot. As is someone being in a tough spot because of constant half assed efforts.
Looking back through files, this is about the 10th time I have done stuff to help him. Each time is the sob story, each time his efforts are none.
So now it stops. He's just another client or potential client. Pays the same amount, no favors, no discounts and no work if what I ask is not done.
Each free project is less of a chance to put my daughter through college. Time taken away from potential opportunities.
You don't provide me with text, well then it sits and "collects dust". If you can't, then I'll do it, at my rate of $X per hour, 25% down, paid before any printing or website launch. Can't pay, then it doesn't proceed.
Because if I keep stopping from finishing the bridge, then I can't walk to the other side.
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Post by Elementum on Oct 23, 2013 16:12:45 GMT
Reads more than fair to me.
I'd be feeling guilty as sin asking a friend to do that sort of favor for me. When it's something that they do as business, happy to pay full bore. I know that they will do an excellent job. Hope I can return the favor some day.
True.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 23, 2013 16:25:07 GMT
It is like a bridge being built, and each delay or stoppage to help someone out means less money for building supplies and the longer it takes the bridge to be built.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 23, 2013 16:32:09 GMT
buy my book, "A hundred Analogies for a hundred situations" Penguin Harper Collins MacNally Rand Random House-Penguin.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 23, 2013 16:48:25 GMT
I have to learn to not undervalue what I do and how good it is. I do too good of work to be giving it away. I'm stuck on this because this is a huge thing I have to learn.
I have a new relationship with a client and it could be good. He has no shame in talking about money which is something I can learn, as is saying No.
He speaks of it very directly as in telling me to charge double or triple for what I do. If he ever found out that I gave what he's printing away, he'd think I was a moron.
Don't know why it's such a big issue for me, guess it has something to do with feeling too much empathy for people at my own expense.
Maybe it's because I want to please too much and make everyone happy.
I mean I'm in a tight spot and no one is extending a hand to me, and I don't expect it either. So I should be the same way. That's why I am starting fresh. I will follow up with my painting buddy in a day, when I finish up what I'm working on, and see what he says. I'll implement my "new thinking" by telling him that I need a deposit to start and I will not start without it.
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Post by Elementum on Oct 23, 2013 17:03:31 GMT
Great analogy!
Getting the balance right is always tricky when doing work for friends. The other side of that is not valuing your work highly enough.
When for the institution? Most try to get more if we can. Da gubment grants are to be spent, or we lose them the following year.
I think that's fair. He really is out of line wrt to the reprint and not bothering to check the proofs and simply approving. So, at some point, really have to pull back and say something about it. Your time is valuable.
Hope you are able to find a way to get it all amicably sorted without your friend getting his nose out of joint.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 23, 2013 17:12:22 GMT
Well no matter what I do he'll assign the blame and expect to be paid back through free work going forward.
I emailed him my anger in response to his nasty messages, with all the facts of what happened, which made my point, and I moved on. Done.
After the estimate, the calls and texts stopped. Which is fine by me, because I've got a heavy workload and promo projects I want to finish.
Giving free work away ate at 4 days of this promo project, which delays possible income.
I have to learn some lessons for myself, and this is one of them, which will help me grow.
It's not a game, it's my life and my daughters future. Simple as that.
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Post by Elementum on Oct 24, 2013 18:01:10 GMT
That is some seriously warped logic and major entitlement going on. He has no shame whatsoever to pull that sort of stunt.
Precisely, need to focus on taking care of both of you.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 24, 2013 19:59:04 GMT
No calls since estimate was sent over. Oh well.
But on the other hand, I'm annoyed. Because the amount of work I did was not even given a thank you, and no no response to the estimate was a slap in the face, after what was given prior. As if I am way out of line to even think about charging for time spent when I have client work and my own work.
Really, what am I supposed to do, miss a deadline to get free work done, put off potential new work in order to give my friend 4 hours of free labor?
Really?
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Post by Elementum on Oct 25, 2013 2:44:56 GMT
Really Not. It is annoying that he can't be bothered to respond though. Some people are ignorant. Or maybe he didn't check his email.
He's a friend of yours, so who knows what is really going on with him. IF this is how he does the start up on the business? I think the end result will be a clusterfck of very irritated clients down the line. Maybe not thought too? Some people make lousy bosses but are good workers. Have no idea what his problem is. Sending the estimate is fair though. That he can't be bothered to respond? That is rude.
How long have you known him? Has he always been this irresponsible?
Come to think of it, the lady that I mentioned previously, I did tons of stuff to help her out, not only $$, took days and nights, because I wanted it "perfect" and she never used it in the end. She should have though, might have saved her butt. In the end was my own fault. Just because I could do it, I didn't have to. I wanted to help her out as it was something I had the resources to do and all it cost me was my time. Learned a few tricks along the way , so was not a total loss. But...*meh* Whatever, not my problem.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 25, 2013 14:02:25 GMT
Pretty much has always been this way. Know him for 23 years. He's never found anything, so it's always been a struggle. But I see why now, or at least part of it, because the effort isn't there.
He's like a brother, but he needs to man up with choices he makes, like putting in an effort. Problem is that he feels he knows best. I think he feels cheated from life and in one instance he was.
But he just doesn't put any effort into things, and has been getting these results for years.
I just feel that whatever industry your in, you have to spend time reading, learning your industry. Spend time creating services and look at the competition and trends, learn and create new skills and services. do research, etc.
As I said this is a learning experience for me. I have to change or else I'll be stuck, so putting in these boundaries is a must. Until my resources are different, I can no longer give away time.
It would have been different if he put some time in as I had asked. Even the other day when I asked 2x to email me what you want it to say, I just got a blanket "you know I want a sign" statement, which means he's refusing to provide me with content which I need. What it says to me is "I want you to do it, I don't know or want to put in the effort"
After the first round of free work, more was expected. And even more after that would be expected, and so on, and so on.
Bottom line, I just don't have the time, and not going to sacrifice my future anymore, for anyone.
Most friends and business don't mix, so you have to make clear boundaries, beforehand.
I had one friend who would rather pay a stranger then pay me. Because they felt it should be free, so if he didn't get what he wanted, then out of spite go with someone else. I get that he may not like my work, which is fine, but then why ask in the first place.
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Post by Elementum on Oct 25, 2013 17:53:28 GMT
Strange fellow. Self sabotaging.
Pretty much. Otherwise, failure. Can still fail, but will be for different reasons. Learn as you go too.
That's crap. I'd rather pay my friends, and that's how things are done around here. Through friends and relatives. Work together to build each other up. Win / win.
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Post by CGisNuts on Oct 28, 2013 0:07:24 GMT
Well it looks like he went ahead and ordered a bunch of stuff, good for him that he did that.
He's probably going to make a point of saying he did himself and it was easy, and probably tell me I was trying to rip him off.
We shall see.
As for the website, he wasted money buying a 15 per month service, and these search packages, which are a waste and I could have gotten hosting for 4 a month.
But that's why I get paid to look at all this stuff and figure shit out.
Out of spite he'll probably have someone else build it. Or expect me to search through all the purchases and clean up the mess.
Whatever.
Sorry I am trying to earn a living, boy I've got balls, huh?
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Post by Elementum on Oct 28, 2013 1:10:22 GMT
You were trying to help him and he didn't appreciate the work and time. Doesn't leave a person/ friend with the most pleasant taste in the mouth at all. Kind of sours things a bit. Least he got his a$$ in gear.
Earning a living is a wee bit important.
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