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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 19, 2013 22:14:31 GMT
Yep now I won't have to worry about starving when he's out for half the night. It pisses me off that he has no care in the world that I'm here at the house with no food, no vehicle and no cash to even order something while he's over at his buddy's house whose gf fixes supper for them all. He eats lasagna, pot roast, pizza you name it and I'm sitting here with fucking nothing and I'm diabetic.
As for the headache it has eased off but I still feel like someone beat me with a baseball bat then ran me over a few hundred times with a steamroller. I may have to hit the bed early tonight lol.
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Post by Elementum on Oct 19, 2013 22:20:26 GMT
(((((ER)))))
They tend to be rather focused solely on their own needs and not considerate of their partner. Sometimes yes, most times no. That's where we have the Self Love Course. Take care of ourselves, pamper our sad miserable butts, and then eject into peace and tranquility.
Get some sleeps and hope that head ache abates for you!
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 19, 2013 22:31:50 GMT
Unfortunately they are very self centered...on a good day lol
I'm not doing a damn thing tonight I have done enough in the past week. I HAD the house clean but I can't keep up with him and the pets. He must think he's a rich frat boy with a live in maid and this maid is bone tired. I'm waiting for him to get up and get pissed about what I bought today lol. It was 10 items for $10 at my fave store so I bought 10 of most everything they had on sale.
I now have 20 boxes of cereal, 20 containers of brand name greek yogurt, 10 boxes of yellow cake mix, 16 boxes of every kind of noodle you can think of lol, 30 bags of every kind of dried bean I think God makes haha and so on and so on. No junk food!!! Just good food and juices. We are both too fat and I have multiple health issues that are made worse by my weight. He will eat healthy for my sake or he can live with someone else from now on.
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Post by Elementum on Oct 20, 2013 0:52:15 GMT
LOL...that is quite the haul on the groceries. Complete overhaul of the kitchen pantry by the looks of it.
Good plan. If he grumbles about your cooking, he can cook for himself or help.
That's one thing I never did learn, I can cook, but....never know what I want to eat. Must be healthy stuff though. Food = Fuel so it makes it easy. Paleo diet, pretty simple and without the fancy recipes.
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 20, 2013 15:38:12 GMT
Yep, I'm proud  And, did I not say that he would get pissed off about what I bought? When he looked in the fridge he said "So, all you bought was yogurt and biscuits" I said "Yep, figured we didn't need anything else but it still took me 2 hours to get that and put it away." He actually started smiling until...I showed him the rest of what I bought and then the attitude came out. He started with the fact that I did not buy any snacks (read cookies, snack cakes etc) and said he had to have his snacks because he wasn't eating the "shit" I bought and that I could eat it but he would find something and some way else to eat. I said no problem and left it at that. I have a horrible time coming up with healthy meals because all he wants is fried foods, very very very few vegetables, NO FRUITS, bread bread bread and sugar sugar sugar. Is it no wonder that he weighs 282 pounds? He's only 5' 9" for heavens sake! I can't eat better because 1. he leaves me here with nothing substantial to eat and 2. I'm not allowed to do the grocery shopping because I don't spend the entire grocery budget on cakes, cupcakes, cookies, ice cream and chocolate. I CAN'T LIVE ON THAT CRAP!!! WHAT PART OF I'M AN UNCONTROLLED DIABETIC TRIPS HIM UP? His only response when I tell him not to bring the sugary crap in the house because I am way too tempted to eat it is "Well, you don't have to eat it but I'm not diabetic and I want it" I crave sugar because I have insulin resistance which means my body does not use the sugar I eat so it makes me crave more and more because it thinks it's starving. I can't control the cravings because my body is not well, it's not a matter of will power, it is a real medical disorder.I'm going to tell him that he has to eat that crap outside of the house, he cannot bring it home. What he eats when he is out makes no difference to me but when he's home he needs to respect me and the fact that not eating well WILL kill me. I can lose limbs, my eyesight, have heart problems, go into kidney failure and more. I think and I have said to him that I think he is trying to kill me because he is too cowardly to just leave and divorce me. Who knows? |
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Post by Elementum on Oct 21, 2013 7:30:09 GMT
Wee bit serious dilemma. Can you two find a compromise of sorts?
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 21, 2013 11:56:17 GMT
Tried that but compromise is not in his vocabulary.
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Post by Elementum on Oct 21, 2013 14:14:37 GMT
Fair enough. Looks like divorcing him is the final answer then hey? Which was the plan from the get go.
Kind of wondering if Borderlines are sweets addicted? Seems many are into junk food and sugar is a high. Stbx certainly loves his sweets. He's like a little kid with his horde. It's pretty cute. We can have all kinds of candies, and he knows they are safe as I don't touch the stuff. lol
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 21, 2013 14:42:06 GMT
I think the wanting sweets is about the endorphin rush. Eating sweets and for some people just eating anything triggers the "feel good" hormones in the brain and we humans sure do love to do anything that feels good lol. It's a form of self soothing and self medicating but in his case it's an addiction just like his alcohol and pot. He was a bad drinker when we met and finally I put my foot down about that after one of his nights of heavy drinking and he quit. The funny thing is he was fun to be around when he was buzzed but if he got drunk he got super annoying, he never got mean he got stupid. The pot wasn't so much an issue as he only does that if he has someone to smoke with and I don't smoke the stuff and neither do any of his friends.
Interesting note, people with Alzheimers Disease also prefer sweets over anything else. There have been many times I had to put sugar in patients food to get them to eat it and it could be anything from mashed potatoes to pizza but as long as it tasted sweet they would eat it. Funny how our brains work.
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Post by Elementum on Oct 21, 2013 16:26:13 GMT
True, and some have funny brains. Stbx when he drinks? Gets vicious. Unless he is snot hanging drunk, then he passes out wherever he is and then he gets viscous when he wakes up. Can't stand being around drunks. After 6 beers pounded under 2 hrs, he wants to "talk" and I want to run like hell. And I get myself lost. Couple years ago told him. DRINK YOURSELF BLIND, and then go for a long drive. Don't kill anyone but go off a cliff and leave me the F alone. The look on his face was worth it. Actually, he's heard that more than once.
Do whatever the hell you want, but keep your drunk ass away from me. Don't call me "controlling." DRINK...but I will stay way the hell away. Guess my PD? INLGAS PD. I no longer give a sh*t PD  I am a lousy Co Dep. Every once in a rare while, I pop on the white armor, it's grungy though, but the war horse? She says, "that's your dumb ass idea...I ain't in on that one. You on your own GF." She trots off. Smart horse.
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 21, 2013 17:24:44 GMT
LOL, love your horse! I'm getting my gleaming white armor scuffed up lately, I like it, gives it character  I hate drunks too, I find them extremely annoying and I prefer not to be around them, of course I get the "you think you're better than everybody" speech but ya know what? I don't care. The ones who get mean when drinking I will NOT be around unless they want to get their asses beat and handed back to them. I have knocked the tee-totaling shit out of a few and choke slammed one to the ground once because he THOUGHT he was going to hit me, took a baseball bat to another ones head, good thing he ducked at the last second cause I broke the bat across the tree that was standing behind him. Ya think maybe I have an issue with drunks? LMAO! |
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Post by Elementum on Oct 21, 2013 19:05:09 GMT
Oh La!!! heheh...horses almost always have more sense than the riders. Like the scruffy armor too. We know it's battle ready and can handle the job at hand. Bingo! And , I don't think I'm better, I just don't like dealing with drunk aholes! It cannot be that hard to understand can it? Stbx, nothing but drunken stories of years gone by...repeated over and over. Once I told him, " I would think you would have outgrown that by now." He was pissed at me...eeeheeheehee...Pretty bad, considering he drinks alone. Like WTF? This is not normal behavior. Don't care what he says. He hates "drugs"..but what is alcohol but a legal "drug" based on the way it affects the brain etc. He didn't like that one either.  I can not ever get it "right" it seems....  Yes, an issue I can appreciate. And better appreciation for the manner in which you handled it. |
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 21, 2013 21:12:30 GMT
Yeah, I have a very hard time with ppl and their addictions but let me not be a hypocrite because I smoked for 22 years and quit cold turkey 4 years ago. I have never smoked another cigarette from the moment I laid them down for good. That doesn't men I haven't wanted to and still do sometimes but I made myself a promise and I won't break it.
As for alcohol and drugs I understand why ppl use them but I am the type that does not like being under the influence of mind altering substances. I prefer to stay in control of my faculties and have a very hard time understanding why anyone would want to wake up every day with a hangover or jonesing for another hit of something. I had a bad enough time with the ciggies I can't imagine how I would feel with that other stuff. Yuck!
I've been falling down drunk more times than I care to recall and it was never a habit. I was always with other ppl who were drinking just as heavy so we all ended up drinking and laughing ourselves into a coma and it hurt like hell the next day lol. As for my response to drunks hehehe that is why I get told that I am mean. I'm not mean I simply do not tolerate the bullshit. I have no patience for it and people like that grate my nerves. You can drink yourself stupid without being a prick.
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Post by Elementum on Oct 22, 2013 0:44:51 GMT
Agreed 100%. Ciggies are bad....  guilty. The pain...me no likes. And agree with the take no crap. Primarily it's the lack of control over my head and body when I drink and years ago, pot? Nope...didn't like it. Could not come down fast enough. Just don't like when I cannot control my own body or the mind goes off places that I know are whack. Mind you. food tasted better, but if you were cooking under the reefer enlightened brilliance and ate the same thing the next day?  LOL...god that was bad food. |
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 22, 2013 0:56:18 GMT
LOL thank God I never cooked the few times I was sauced or stoned! I never even tried pot til I was 33 and only did it maybe 5 times. I'm with you, couldn't come down fast enough and hated the feeling of being out of control. One time I had a panic attack while stoned and never want to do that again! I kept begging God to not let me die, maybe it was laced with something.
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guilty. 
LOL...god that was bad food.