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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 3, 2013 19:00:14 GMT
I have found so many songs I want to post for you lol. And that sweating thing, yeah, I have that down too lol. I just got back from the store and you would swear I had worked out for 2 hours straight! I have to take a shower now! It's just because I'm fat and out of shape UNLESS you count that I'm round cause round is a shape lolol  |
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Post by Elementum on Oct 4, 2013 3:10:52 GMT
Post da musica! Round is a shape. You need to be happy in your meat wagon. That's the point. Speaking of meat wagons, that was another of stbx's gripes. Like I cared? The gym wars of years past  , he would bitch about the time I spent. Less than an hour and running less than an hour and wanted my 'schedule' and a regular known time when I was training blah blah blah...WTF??? God I can't stand that!!! Worry about your own damn self!!! Everything had to be on His Schedule, except himself which he could change whenever he wanted and I had to jump around it. Yeah....right dear. *pfft* one time, I held him to HIS schedule because he had been accusing me of changing my TIMES and guess what he did? He totally trashed the car. He got all pissy and went down to the beach on some dirt tracks, then off road and destroyed the damn thing, And ThEN??? He BLAMED ME FOR IT!!!!....That was the night from hell, it was pissing rain I came with ropes and the van to do the impossible, to pull the jeep out, and destroyed the Van, the windshields front and back to pull the jeep out. AND IT WAS ALL MY FAULT...LOLOLOL....BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA It was INSANE! I got blamed for the jeep in the 3m ditch and I was NOT EVEN THERE. It was classic psycho BS. And you know what the trigger was? I was going for my run and then buying salad but he had changed his mind about what he wanted to do and the order in which he wanted to do it and was doing it to bugger me up because He had accused me of not sticking to my times. LOL...so I did. Instead of adjusting my schedule like O usually did to accommodate his latest whim, which was often fun, so I would, I didn't. And he went wonky. He was drinking and driving and denying it but he had packs of gum galore in the car to cover up. I am amazing. I managed to force him to drive the car into the ditch from 20 Kms away and without the knowledge of where he was. I came home from my run and to "punish" me he wasn't there. LOL...no problem. I didn't call him either. If he had something to say, he could call me. So it was Dark and around 2100 I get a call. " Why haven't you called me?" ...like WTF? For what? You pissed off somewhere like a dick and I am going to chase you? Hell will freeze over first. Meh stupid crap. Life with stbx. LOL...won't miss that sort of shit I can promise you that. That was 2 cars totally mangled to the tune of over $10000.00 Euro in repair work. I will not ever forget that night...NUTZ!!!! Been working through more of the crap and another interesting thing that cropped up sort of triggered by that silly line from his email, that I can continue my "activities" Like I need his permission? Just makes me laugh.I am probably one of the very few people that ever said No and told him to Back Off. He didn't like that. And, when I wouldn't back down, he would get physical. The last resort of the control freak. The nausea has abated. Thank God. It will be back though, tends to come in waves.  |
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 4, 2013 8:02:29 GMT
One day at a time sweetie. I'm glad you're getting away from him, he sounds like my H and neither of them make a damn bit of sense! Mine will still get physical if I stand my ground but it depends on the issue at hand now. It used to be for just any reason now it's usually when we have a big blow up. Typically now he acts more like a toddler who can't get his way and will shove me or do other things to show that he hates "mommy-wife" (my term not his lol) for not bowing to his every demand. They truly are in a class all of their own. I'm still being hoovered by him and his mother but at least I know what they are doing. I'm not saying much anymore about the situation to either of them I'm letting it die down and then one day I'll just be up and gone. It still pisses me off that she can deny what he's done as far as the kiddie porn crap. She simply does not believe me and keeps making excuses for how and why the crap showed up on his computer. When I told her I had called the police she asked me why and wanted to know if I had given them any identifying info on her son. Well, OF COURSE I did! She wanted to know why I did that because now he's "marked". What's really sad is that every time someone gets arrested or convicted of child porn in our state he has to read the article. Why is that? Is he taking notes on how NOT to get caught? I had to borrow his phone for a minute the other day and he actually accused me of putting crap on his phone to spy on him. My response tot that is he wouldn't have to worry about it if wasn't doing shit he has no business doing. I said that to his mother and she responded with stone cold silence as if by not responding I will let it go. They're both stupid  I know she's chomping at the bit to tell me what she thinks of me but what she doesn't realize is that I don't care what she thinks anymore. She lost ALL of my respect the day she chose to hit me and so did her son. OH GOD I can't wait to start school!! The sooner I start the closer I am to leaving them all behind!! I hope things go smoother than you expect them too. I know it eats you up alive having to deal with the insanity because we nons just aren't equipped to deal with that crap no matter how much we read and learn. All we can do is apply what we know until we can escape. Love you Mea and hang in there!  |
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Post by Elementum on Oct 4, 2013 10:33:24 GMT
The things is, there is NOthing to get physical about ever. It's plain bat shit idiotic bs. Try explaining that to either of them though. When he doesn't get "his" way, all hell breaks loose? For what? Piss off, I have better things to listen to and deal with that crap. That, also pissed him off. I just don't get caught up in it anymore and haven't for ages. Went a little PA just to deal with him. The class they are in is Remedial Human. Or who the hell knows, but they ain't about to graduate any time soon. Mine just gets more vicious with time. Speaking of toddler antics, did yours ever hop around squacking and screaming and make vile gestures. Total kindgarten stuff. When I called him on it? He attacked me. It was...horrible, but looking back? It would have made a classic BPD film. Just nutz. Your MIL scares me. She lives in some alternate reality or what? How she can ignore the bloody obvious unless she is PD'd herself. Doesn't compute. Told stbx years ago. Get it together, because I will not live the rest of my life like this. Well, he gets the joy of pulling the plug first. I could care less. He likes to take credit for ending the marriage ,while blaming me for god knows what, while forgetting all the crap. The usual PD white wash. I hear you on that one. I don't care. He can scream the house down with whatever the hell he wants, *pfft* do that from 1 m away from me though, and don't expect a response. I will get some ear plugs. He lacks the capacity to hold a valid opinion. Why should you care what a crazy woman or man thinks? School and OUT = Freedom. I can feel the pent up frustration on that one loud and clear. I fully expect him to be a total dick about it. He's already showing the Master of the Universe aspect, which doesn't work with me. You are right about not being equipped for the crap. I simply do Not want to deal with it. Not for any reason anymore. I need to maintain my focus on the garbage which was the vast majority of the marriage, and not allow the Good to blind me. Way way way too much crap.  2-3 years ago....kind of totally died, when I was simply calling out the PD behaviors as he was pulling them off....I wasn't exactly shall I say, nice about it ...just too effing tired of it.End of 2010 I died completely on this marriage. Still, underneath all that is sadness, just the sheer sorrow because as lousy of a bastard as he was a great deal of the time, he was also the exact opposite. And unfortunately I can't have one without the other. |
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 4, 2013 19:36:29 GMT
Speaking of toddler antics, did yours ever hop around squacking and screaming and make vile gestures. Total kindgarten stuff. When I called him on it? He attacked me. It was...horrible, but looking back? It would have made a classic BPD film. Just nutz. Your MIL scares me. She lives in some alternate reality or what? How she can ignore the bloody obvious unless she is PD'd herself. Doesn't compute. Told stbx years ago. Get it together, because I will not live the rest of my life like this. Still, underneath all that is sadness, just the sheer sorrow because as lousy of a bastard as he was a great deal of the time, he was also the exact opposite. And unfortunately I can't have one without the other.Yes, mine has done the 2 year old screaming, hopping, gesturing temper tantrum routine. I just roll my eyes, laugh and walk away. MIL, YES, she lives in her own world! She preaches to everyone how she lives in reality and then verbally vomits all of her rules and wisdom all over you. The woman lives further from reality than the moon! Yep, same here, I'm NOT living this way until I die. Either you get your shit together or I'm outta here! I can so relate to the sadness and sorrow, been there felt that and is the main reason I stayed for so long. I just KNEW if I loved him enough he could get better but sadly nothing really has changed. He has mellowed some with age but he always seems to be boiling just under the surface and one tip of the pot he will spill out all over and scald me. It just ever ends and I'm too tired to fight this battle any longer. |
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Post by Elementum on Oct 5, 2013 4:11:08 GMT
Nope...not gonna happen. Just not.
Yeah...nope. Don't can change 'em. They just get worse. Mine "mellowed" because he was hauled off to the court house. But of his own accord? No. Instead it became more underhanded snide and vicious. In many ways, was worse than the frontal assault.
Egh...just crap. That's not something to call a relationship, let alone be friends with someone like that. Just a strange thought. Would he treat his friends like that? No. But his wife?
It's really far too screwed up for me to even want to try and understand the BPD stink think anymore. It's not my problem. Just focus and heal and get rid of as much of the nasty crud from myself as possible.
How are you holding up ER?
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 5, 2013 5:03:50 GMT
I'm hanging in there. On Tuesday, I mistakenly allowed myself to believe that I could stick this out with the H. It never went any farther than my thoughts, no shows of affection, words of endearment, change of heart or anything like that but I did relax a bit and allowed myself to just be okay. Well, as I knew would happen, it all ended with one snide remark and nasty tone of voice which immediately sends me into a clinched up defensive position mentally. At least this time it didn't hurt, it didn't knock the wind out of me or make me rock back on my heels. I just shook my head and chastised myself for letting that thought cross my mind.
I do often wonder if I can stick it out but I never allow myself to believe that I can because I just cannot forgive his lies anymore and I will not just overlook his recent behaviors. He is suspicious of everything I do, which of course is not a new thing but, it's worse now because I painted myself black in his eyes by snooping on his pc and then calling the sheriff about what I found. He tried to be a good boy and when that didn't get him what he wanted he got nasty again but now he's just nonchalant about it all. I could swear he honestly believes he is untouchable.
Oh well, not my problem it's all his and the sooner I'm gone the better.
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Post by Elementum on Oct 5, 2013 5:29:32 GMT
It's snide cruelty and the nastiness of the jibe. I don't have a problem with good natured ribbing, but with stbx, like yours, it's not funny. Was at one time, but then it got really cruel. Maybe I became over sensitive? Not sure. Some stuff, was not nice at all. Just plain mean. It's mega huge serious crap though, and it's not only that ^^^ it's tons more of it and you know it.  I really do need to remember and focus on the crud. Because, it will only be more and same with the brief spells of peace when he is not home and 80% crap and 20% decent when he is home. That was the sum total of my marriage? Might as well be alone. Your marriage is the same train wreck and worse. Truman's post also really hit a nerve. We both deserve a whole lot better than the PD bs we have dealt with. I simply won't tolerate it anymore. I can't. Rather a bullet to the brain. |
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 6, 2013 0:12:13 GMT
Same here Mea  |
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, he would bitch about the time I spent. Less than an hour and running less than an hour and wanted my 'schedule' and a regular known time when I was training blah blah blah...WTF??? God I can't stand that!!! Worry about your own damn self!!!