Post by Elementum on Sept 29, 2013 12:09:59 GMT
Passive aggressive behavior
The Passive Aggressive Man: He is All About Control
The Boomerang Relationship: Passivity, Irresponsibility and Resulting Partner Anger
EXPLANATION:
These individuals are usually unaware that difficulties are a result of their own behaviors. They experience conscious
hostility toward authority figures, but do not connect their own passive resistant behavior with hostility or resentment. They do not trust others and they usually tend to be nonassertive and are intentionally inefficient. They try to get back at others through agitation. Feelings of hostility are released through others who become angry and may suffer because of the passive aggressive personality's inefficiency. The passive aggressive personality isresistant to demands for adequate performance both in social circumstances and in the workplace. This pattern usually begins in early childhood and can occur in various contexts. Individual's with this disorder have resentment of responsibility in both work and social spheres and they show this resentment through the expression of symptoms listed above rather than openly expressed anger. They tend to use procrastination and inefficiency and forgetfulness to avoid fulfilling obligations. Rather than take responsibility for their own actions, they tend to blame and manipulate others.
SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS (at least five of the following)
1. Procrastinates
2. Sulks, becomes irritable or becomes very quickly argumentative
3. Tends to work slowly or deliberately do a bad job on tasks that he or she really does not want to do
4. Protests (unrealistically) that everyone is making unreasonable demands
5. "Forgets" obligations
6. Believes that he or she is doing a much better job than others
think
7. Usually resents useful suggestions from others on how to become more productive
8. Fails to do his or her share of the work, thereby obstructing other's efforts
9. Unreasonably criticizes people in positions of authority
10. Cannot seem to accept responsibility or blame for problems resulting from their poor performance and tend to project this blame on others
These behaviors are usually not disturbing to the individual, but to those who interact with him or her. Therapy is
usually not sought, but the client is generally referred for therapy by family members. Psychological theories suggest that environmental factors occurring in the very early years of a child's life contribute to the development of this disorder. Usually, the child has extreme feelings of rejection or inadequate
nurturing by the mother figure which results in extreme anger. The child has a fear of expressing this anger toward the parent figure and, as a result, there is a shifting which results in the "passive aggressive" behavior. Depression is also common since there is a shifting back and forth between expressing this anger toward the parent through passive aggressive behavior which arouses anger in the parent which is the child's goal and tendencies toward depression which results from the anger which is then turned inward on the self. Very often these clients have difficulty becoming appropriately assertive, however, they may shift into covert aggressive behaviors when sufficiently angered. In therapy, clinician's report that kids tend to be very resistant to change and that other's often complain about stubbornness, procrastination, and forgetfulness. They do not appear to be uncomfortable in social situations. Interpersonal relationships are usually strained. They tend to have difficulty expressing warm feelings, and also tend to sulk, pout, and even when they passively acquiesce or conform there is usually unspoken resentment. In therapy clients often express anxiety and depression along with low self esteem, lack of self confidence. They tend to be very dependent and passive. They also tend to view the world in a negativistic manner or fail to connect their behavior to other's reactions. They usually complain about others being unfair and see the world as a hostile, unfair environment.
TREATMENT SUGGESTIONS:
In therapy, the goals involve:
1. Helping the client learn methods to control anger and anxiety and express them in an appropriately assertive fashion.
2. To promote effective and more satisfying coping strategies to cope with environmental stress
3. To help them realize that their behavior does affect how others react to them and promote the value of effectiveness in getting things done as a means of reducing their own feeling of anger and resentment.
4. Promote development of a positive self concept. Very often these individuals can be helped by complimenting appropriate behavior rather than criticizing inappropriate behaviors.
5. Help the client resolve feelings of anger and hostility, particularly toward authority. Very often there may be some
disturbance in childhood in the parent-child relationship which are still unresolved.
6. The client needs to explore situations that lead to resentment and hostility, and be helped to understand possible causes. They also need to discuss their feelings toward authority, and discuss how these feeling came about. Aid the client in establishing a possible cause and effect relationship between their forgetfulness and procrastination to the internal resentment they feel toward the person making the demands.
More on this particular PD delight:
Common Passive Aggressive Behaviors: <--- much more information available at that link.
Ambiguity: I think of the proverb, “Actions speak louder than words” when it comes to the passive aggressive and how ambiguous they can be. They rarely mean what they say or say what they mean. The best judge of how a passive aggressive feels about an issue is how they act. Normally they don’t act until after they’ve caused some kind of stress by their ambiguous way of communicating.
Forgetfulness: The passive aggressive avoids responsibility by “forgetting.” How convenient is that? There is no easier way to punish someone than forgetting that lunch date or your birthday or, better yet, an anniversary.
Blaming: They are never responsible for their actions. If you aren’t to blame then it is something that happened at work, the traffic on the way home or the slow clerk at the convenience store. The passive aggressive has no faults, it is everyone around him/her who has faults and they must be punished for those faults.
Lack of Anger: He/she may never express anger. There are some who are happy with whatever you want. On the outside anyway! The passive aggressive may have been taught, as a child, that anger is unacceptable. Hence they go through life stuffing their anger, being accommodating and then sticking it to you in an under-handed way.
Fear of Dependency: From Scott Wetlzer, author of Living With The Passive Aggressive Man. “Unsure of his autonomy and afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs, usually by trying to control you. He wants you to think he doesn’t depend on you, but he binds himself closer than he cares to admit. Relationships can become battle grounds, where he can only claim victory if he denies his need for your support.”
Fear of Intimacy: The passive aggressive often can’t trust. Because of this, they guard themselves against becoming intimately attached to someone. A passive aggressive will have sex with you but they rarely make love to you. If they feel themselves becoming attached, they may punish you by withholding sex.
Obstructionism: Do you want something from your passive aggressive spouse? If so, get ready to wait for it or maybe even never get it. It is important to him/her that you don,t get your way. He/she will act as if giving you what you want is important to them but, rarely will he/she follow through with giving it. It is very confusing to have someone appear to want to give to you but never follow through. You can begin to feel as if you are asking too much which is exactly what he/she wants to you to feel.
Victimization: The passive aggressive feels they are treated unfairly. If you get upset because he or she is constantly late, they take offense because; in their mind, it was someone else’s fault that they were late. He/she is always the innocent victim of your unreasonable expectations, an over-bearing boss or that slow clerk at the convenience store.
Procrastination: The passive aggressive person believes that deadlines are for everyone but them. They do things on their own time schedule and be damned anyone who expects differently from them.
The Passive Aggressive Man: He is All About Control
The Boomerang Relationship: Passivity, Irresponsibility and Resulting Partner Anger
EXPLANATION:
These individuals are usually unaware that difficulties are a result of their own behaviors. They experience conscious
hostility toward authority figures, but do not connect their own passive resistant behavior with hostility or resentment. They do not trust others and they usually tend to be nonassertive and are intentionally inefficient. They try to get back at others through agitation. Feelings of hostility are released through others who become angry and may suffer because of the passive aggressive personality's inefficiency. The passive aggressive personality isresistant to demands for adequate performance both in social circumstances and in the workplace. This pattern usually begins in early childhood and can occur in various contexts. Individual's with this disorder have resentment of responsibility in both work and social spheres and they show this resentment through the expression of symptoms listed above rather than openly expressed anger. They tend to use procrastination and inefficiency and forgetfulness to avoid fulfilling obligations. Rather than take responsibility for their own actions, they tend to blame and manipulate others.
SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS (at least five of the following)
1. Procrastinates
2. Sulks, becomes irritable or becomes very quickly argumentative
3. Tends to work slowly or deliberately do a bad job on tasks that he or she really does not want to do
4. Protests (unrealistically) that everyone is making unreasonable demands
5. "Forgets" obligations
6. Believes that he or she is doing a much better job than others
think
7. Usually resents useful suggestions from others on how to become more productive
8. Fails to do his or her share of the work, thereby obstructing other's efforts
9. Unreasonably criticizes people in positions of authority
10. Cannot seem to accept responsibility or blame for problems resulting from their poor performance and tend to project this blame on others
These behaviors are usually not disturbing to the individual, but to those who interact with him or her. Therapy is
usually not sought, but the client is generally referred for therapy by family members. Psychological theories suggest that environmental factors occurring in the very early years of a child's life contribute to the development of this disorder. Usually, the child has extreme feelings of rejection or inadequate
nurturing by the mother figure which results in extreme anger. The child has a fear of expressing this anger toward the parent figure and, as a result, there is a shifting which results in the "passive aggressive" behavior. Depression is also common since there is a shifting back and forth between expressing this anger toward the parent through passive aggressive behavior which arouses anger in the parent which is the child's goal and tendencies toward depression which results from the anger which is then turned inward on the self. Very often these clients have difficulty becoming appropriately assertive, however, they may shift into covert aggressive behaviors when sufficiently angered. In therapy, clinician's report that kids tend to be very resistant to change and that other's often complain about stubbornness, procrastination, and forgetfulness. They do not appear to be uncomfortable in social situations. Interpersonal relationships are usually strained. They tend to have difficulty expressing warm feelings, and also tend to sulk, pout, and even when they passively acquiesce or conform there is usually unspoken resentment. In therapy clients often express anxiety and depression along with low self esteem, lack of self confidence. They tend to be very dependent and passive. They also tend to view the world in a negativistic manner or fail to connect their behavior to other's reactions. They usually complain about others being unfair and see the world as a hostile, unfair environment.
TREATMENT SUGGESTIONS:
In therapy, the goals involve:
1. Helping the client learn methods to control anger and anxiety and express them in an appropriately assertive fashion.
2. To promote effective and more satisfying coping strategies to cope with environmental stress
3. To help them realize that their behavior does affect how others react to them and promote the value of effectiveness in getting things done as a means of reducing their own feeling of anger and resentment.
4. Promote development of a positive self concept. Very often these individuals can be helped by complimenting appropriate behavior rather than criticizing inappropriate behaviors.
5. Help the client resolve feelings of anger and hostility, particularly toward authority. Very often there may be some
disturbance in childhood in the parent-child relationship which are still unresolved.
6. The client needs to explore situations that lead to resentment and hostility, and be helped to understand possible causes. They also need to discuss their feelings toward authority, and discuss how these feeling came about. Aid the client in establishing a possible cause and effect relationship between their forgetfulness and procrastination to the internal resentment they feel toward the person making the demands.
More on this particular PD delight:
Common Passive Aggressive Behaviors: <--- much more information available at that link.
Ambiguity: I think of the proverb, “Actions speak louder than words” when it comes to the passive aggressive and how ambiguous they can be. They rarely mean what they say or say what they mean. The best judge of how a passive aggressive feels about an issue is how they act. Normally they don’t act until after they’ve caused some kind of stress by their ambiguous way of communicating.
Forgetfulness: The passive aggressive avoids responsibility by “forgetting.” How convenient is that? There is no easier way to punish someone than forgetting that lunch date or your birthday or, better yet, an anniversary.
Blaming: They are never responsible for their actions. If you aren’t to blame then it is something that happened at work, the traffic on the way home or the slow clerk at the convenience store. The passive aggressive has no faults, it is everyone around him/her who has faults and they must be punished for those faults.
Lack of Anger: He/she may never express anger. There are some who are happy with whatever you want. On the outside anyway! The passive aggressive may have been taught, as a child, that anger is unacceptable. Hence they go through life stuffing their anger, being accommodating and then sticking it to you in an under-handed way.
Fear of Dependency: From Scott Wetlzer, author of Living With The Passive Aggressive Man. “Unsure of his autonomy and afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs, usually by trying to control you. He wants you to think he doesn’t depend on you, but he binds himself closer than he cares to admit. Relationships can become battle grounds, where he can only claim victory if he denies his need for your support.”
Fear of Intimacy: The passive aggressive often can’t trust. Because of this, they guard themselves against becoming intimately attached to someone. A passive aggressive will have sex with you but they rarely make love to you. If they feel themselves becoming attached, they may punish you by withholding sex.
Obstructionism: Do you want something from your passive aggressive spouse? If so, get ready to wait for it or maybe even never get it. It is important to him/her that you don,t get your way. He/she will act as if giving you what you want is important to them but, rarely will he/she follow through with giving it. It is very confusing to have someone appear to want to give to you but never follow through. You can begin to feel as if you are asking too much which is exactly what he/she wants to you to feel.
Victimization: The passive aggressive feels they are treated unfairly. If you get upset because he or she is constantly late, they take offense because; in their mind, it was someone else’s fault that they were late. He/she is always the innocent victim of your unreasonable expectations, an over-bearing boss or that slow clerk at the convenience store.
Procrastination: The passive aggressive person believes that deadlines are for everyone but them. They do things on their own time schedule and be damned anyone who expects differently from them.
