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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Sept 30, 2013 5:13:07 GMT
At least you do something healthy I just end up stuffing myself with sweets  |
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Post by Elementum on Sept 30, 2013 8:14:10 GMT
 Everybody's different with this stuff. I can't eat. Can't focus too well. But as long as I work work work work work...can function. When I stop? I fall apart. |
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Sept 30, 2013 16:17:08 GMT
Just don't ignore the fact that you have to grieve at some point. Working, exercising and all that stuff is great to help you work through it and keeping your feelings bottled up is not good either. I don't want it all to crash down on you at once because things get dangerous at that point.
Love you Mea♥
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Post by Elementum on Sept 30, 2013 19:52:50 GMT
How many more years? urgh...2 years minimum, holding pattern, been gone from here 1.5 years...when does it stop? It's not often anymore, but when it hits, I jag.
Love and Hugs (((((ER)))))
Better now, but sleep is shot again. Ugh.
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Sept 30, 2013 23:05:07 GMT
I'm sorry honey and I know it hurts  I haven't left mine yet so I may go through all of that too. I'm sure I'll have moments. |
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Post by Elementum on Oct 1, 2013 2:55:51 GMT
 Yeah..just wish it was completely over. Just the ashes thanks. So tired. I know my nerves are shot just thinking about him coming home, because of the sorrow, it just nails me. I know he hurts too and that is a soul mangling sensation and at the same time? He can be so vicious. The first big break 8 years ago and 2.5 years apart, I still had his house coat hanging. I couldn't take it down. Packed away everything else, but that. Hope. It's the killer. No hope this time. And still it's mangling me. NC is a good thing. Even it sucks, but knowing he is coming back is like a drill ripping at the chest wall. I was fine/ish sort of but not really, but still. Loss, sorrow, sadness, unreality, just soo much damn sorrow. I think the only thing that keeps me moving is the frustration and anger at the crap that he did to me. Just so sick. So snarled up internally I swear sometimes my spine wants to snap. egh Thank you to read my whine. |
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 1, 2013 3:17:28 GMT
:)You aren't whining you're expressing your feelings which is what this forum is for...remember? You are not exempt.
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Post by Elementum on Oct 1, 2013 3:39:47 GMT
 Thank you! Yeah...feelings. Detachment was easier. Peaceful. How many times do I have to go through this? Ya know? It would be nice to have a number to work with. Then I can count down the melt downs and know when it ends. Argh. Not sure if this is grief or pre jags of the impending chaos. How much water can leak out of a person's eyes? It's the choked throat and breathing that is the worst. Go shopping and start crying? What the heck is that for crap? For heaven sakes! It's a hardware store playing rap music. How is life on your end? |
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 1, 2013 3:44:18 GMT
Wish feelings could be so cut and dried, you will cry this many tears spread out over this many days then it will all be done, if only... Nothing new on my end so far except I did set a new boundary  Nothing special but something I needed to do 20 years ago lol |
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Post by Elementum on Oct 1, 2013 4:01:53 GMT
Sounds good. If only...true. Been waltzing around with the heavy plated armor for so long that the emotions are all bunged up underneath...and it's eeeewwwrrghhhh and thank God for having done the other work ages ago. This is the last couple of years of finally having hammered into me that this is so wrong on so many levels. Agh. Saving grace, no children getting harmed in the mix or that would destroy me. Just lately all seems kind of pointless. egh. Bad day. It's not, but I feel bad. Egh. Good stuff happening, but I can't feel it inside. Just...meh. |
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 1, 2013 4:07:34 GMT
I understand meh, I have a lot of those days. I am also thankful I have no children mixed up in this mess because I may have killed him before now lol. That is just one line NOBODY crosses with me.
As for the way you feel I have found that if I just allow myself to feel whatever comes over me that I work through it a lot faster. You don't need permission from anyone including yourself but sometimes we just have to remind ourselves that it's okay to have a down day or two or three. As long as we pull out of it and don't get stuck then we're okay.
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Post by Elementum on Oct 1, 2013 9:24:36 GMT
The gray matter knows you are right, but the emotional side is real slow to catch up. Today, just cracked leaking, was working with my director and....the dams burst. Yeesh. Female bonding time though. Was nice. The mental drill sergeant has gone hoarse with yelling at me. Time for the whips and chains me thinks. Egh.  |
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I haven't left mine yet so I may go through all of that too. I'm sure I'll have moments.
Nothing special but something I needed to do 20 years ago lol