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Post by CGisNuts on Sept 14, 2013 22:00:22 GMT
The success of this site depends on you and me. It depends on the members and those who post.
For a number of reasons I'm feeling extra drive to make this what another place once was. I'm no expert on building forums but I will tell you why I think they are successful.
The one and main reason is the content and what is posted. The members who post make it either a success or fail. For some reason, a few people do not get that and I think they believe their existence makes it "go"
People will join if the content is worth reading. Back that up a sec., those who are in a similar relationship who stumble across content will either stay or go.
I believe people will visit, contribute and join, ONLY if what they read hits a nerve or hits home. Unless it connects, they'll move on. Intelligent and smart writing, posts that are thought provoking will ensure membership and readership goes up.
This place has the potential to be what it can be. It's up to us.
I truly believe we have some of the smartest formers on here and we can write and post some really good stuff.
Because we will create content better than anywhere else, people will read and join. Our goal should be to create great content that helps people dealing with PD's, and won't censor or play silly games because we have issues with superiority or think somehow people come here because of us and not what people post.
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Post by CGisNuts on Sept 14, 2013 23:46:14 GMT
I think there has to be activity on an hourly basis, otherwise it seems dead. With a few sections covering light topics like music, art, writing, etc. Some work related stuff might work too.
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Post by Elementum on Sept 15, 2013 3:36:55 GMT
Good idea. And agree with you, a Forum is the People. Not the Mods.
What about a Rant board? On a really bad day? rant...don't have to be "nice" about it, because being abused, isn't "nice."
Do you want music, art and writing in separate boards? There is Off Topic right now.
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Post by CGisNuts on Sept 15, 2013 3:57:52 GMT
Yeah a rant section for sure. We all need to vent.
I think the better the content is, the more will come. By content I mean posts by members or guests. That's what makes a forum, not who runs it, not sure why "some people" <<< you know who they are, don't get that.
I'm not saying rules and moderation are not necessary because they are. But when a forum becomes a place where Mods act like they do on OOTF people will leave. The whole point is the members.
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Post by Elementum on Sept 15, 2013 4:30:33 GMT
Agreed. Unless people even know this forum exists, it will be hard to find. Google won't pick it up under search terms. Too new.
As you stated though, quality posts and also links. If Boundary can be a place as a hub for information, sharing and support without the "ego" splits that have been found on other boards. I think it may be more useful. One of the gripes I have is that Links to different points of view re: PD etc are so carefully moderated that it makes it ridiculous. The Schreiber site is one which is excellent and not PD friendly, S4M as well. More about really helping the Partner out of the relationship. Divorce information, PAS etc.
Unitedfornow is more PD friendly, however the information and therapy? Excellent. She moderates at BPDfamily.com in the staying board.
Different POV and the more the better for people to decide what is a better alignment for their own situation.
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beenthere
New Member
Glad to have found this! Thanks Unicorn!
Posts: 5 
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Post by beenthere on Sept 18, 2013 17:26:36 GMT
I agree that there needs to be great content, and also frequent content, to keep people around. And I agree that moderation is important, but NOT CENSORING!!! It really bugged me that our posts were censored at OOTF, as if we were not all adults...
It also concerns me that I was booted out for just questioning WHY I was warned. I felt at least they could have given me the post that was objected to.
Anyway, I agree that we have very smart people here who know quite a bit about being in a PD relationship and can give good advice.
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Post by CGisNuts on Sept 22, 2013 23:16:10 GMT
Honestly unless this site stays busy all day, it won't be able to compete. That site ranks really high in SE for searches such as "wife looks at my cell phone records" or "husband times me on milk runs", then OOTF or another few sites will display a members response. So when a person is searching for answers those sites come up.
In a nutshell a great platform was built, and whoever takes that site over has everything already set up and just has to let it run itself website traffic wise.
If anyone has a fantasy about a certain site all of the sudden having no traffic they're kidding themselves, it'll never happen. However the controlling and censored environment is doing allot of damage.
It has to be word of mouth for here at first, plus content and responses built up. The hard part is that it's a full-time effort that many of us don't have, especially when in or recovering from a PD relationship.
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Post by Elementum on Sept 22, 2013 23:50:12 GMT
Takes time...lots of guests though. Over 100, which is often more than "the site" these days. Just not posting yet.
It's not a competition.
Correct. And when I am out/ divorced. I will not spend the next 25 years of my life posting about the last 10.
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Post by CGisNuts on Sept 23, 2013 2:22:50 GMT
Of course it's a competition. Anytime you can make something better than something else, you do it.
Just depending on what it is and how much time you put in is really the line between healthy and unhealthy.
If you drop everything important to win at something that doesn't matter "in real life" then it's bad.
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Post by Truman on Sept 27, 2013 23:54:26 GMT
Thanks for that timely reminder - and I just want to apologize for having not been more on the ball in that regard.
I work, so can't be relied on to provide consistent traffic, but I will make a concerted effort to begin seeking out and posting what I think of as "foundational" psychological material.
Again, sorry for the delay....sometimes I miss a ball during life's juggling act.
Rest assured I'm still working for The Powers of Good vs. The Powers of Evil.
Truman
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Post by Truman on Sept 28, 2013 0:02:53 GMT
ps - love the idea of a Rant Board.
Keeps the Justifiable Outrage separated from the Reflective Thoughts and Pained Expressions of Despair.
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Post by CGisNuts on Sept 28, 2013 20:58:24 GMT
Yeah true. Good to separate it. When the fleas eventually ALL fall off, that section will shrink. It's good to be able to rant, but not good to have something consume you. After all it's about progress and no fun to be in a constant state of stress over something that isn't worth it.
I've been in such a bad situation in this prison of a home, and will be getting out very soon.
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Post by Truman on Oct 1, 2013 7:14:50 GMT
Quote from CGisNuts:
When the fleas eventually ALL fall off, that section will shrink.
My hunch is that newbies will keep that section alive and well. Yes - I said newbies. I'm optimistic about growth.
Quote from CGisNuts:
It's good to be able to rant, but not good to have something consume you. After all it's about progress and no fun to be in a constant state of stress over something that isn't worth it.
Well said CGis!
You're more than just Nuts!
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Post by Elementum on Oct 2, 2013 2:03:18 GMT
CG hope you are getting the living situation sorted. It's really not much fun when your one place that ought to be sanctuary turns into a snake pit.
Re; Rant board. Good to get the frustrations out and be validated with the raw emotions, rather than to let them fester. Some of this stuff is so brutal and cuts so deep it takes a long time to come to terms with it. If the goal is healing, then the focus will sharpen and people I think for the most part will of their own accord when ready, shift into that phase. It's a process and different for everyone. Unfortunately, it's not a straight line phenomenon either.
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