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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Sept 14, 2013 14:49:20 GMT
Yes, just like the circle of life the circle of abuse just keeps growing unless someone breaks the circle. Although I have always wanted children I have never been able to get pregnant. In hindsight I am thankful to God for not allowing me to have children and to myself for not pursuing it. I know beyond any doubt that my children would have suffered as a result of the abuse I suffered because I have been a very angry person all of my life. I would NEVER hurt anyone just for the sake of doing it but I know my temper, I know my limits and I know I can have blackout rages all fueled by the abuse I suffered as a child. It's not an excuse it's just a reason and now that I have a much clearer understanding of WHY I have always acted or reacted the way I have I can now take the steps to change it. Who knows, I am only 44 and miracles can happen. Life may take a very sharp turn for me in the next few months and I could be facing challenges I've never had before. If my dreams are any indication of events to come(as they have been in the past) a very handsome man and I are on a collision path to happiness...I can't wait to see what happens next  |
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Post by Elementum on Sept 14, 2013 15:13:15 GMT
Scary stuff. But not without reason. Being aware of it though, I doubt a person knowing that would ever inflict that on their own child. Too terrified and self correcting and aware. No kids here either, but because no way I was willing to risk it with Mr. Love/ Hate / Kill...just no way.
Black out rages? When your H was going after you...you explode back?
I will wish you the best on that one. Being a bit of a jaded asshole myself...lol...look what your dreams delivered the last time?
*slap me*
However in keeping with the Universe bs of yesterday, wish you luck!
Avatar theme today.
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Sept 14, 2013 15:27:30 GMT
*smacks Mea upside the head....gently of course* I don't have those rages like I used to in my 20's and early 30's thank Zoloft for that LMAO and I have not had one with H. I have had to get ugly with him physically before but never to the point that I was raging at him like he does me. I would never, ever treat my kids that way but I can say things before I even realize what I have said and sometimes those things are pretty hurtful. I have gotten A LOT better since hitting my 40's.
As for my dreams they may be nothing more than my innermost feelings manifesting. The one I had last night, I'll keep it brief lol, was about me meeting said handsome man and leaving my H. My H sent 2 hunters after me to find me and bring me back and I was doing good for a while eluding them but they eventually found me. Handsome man and I were holding onto each other and I was crying when the female hunter looked at me with concern and decided to let me go. I got the feeling that it was because she could see that I feared my H and was happy with handsome man.
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Post by Elementum on Sept 14, 2013 15:35:19 GMT
*teehee* I deserve it though...LOL Romantic dreams being chased by hunters? Eeek. Wonder why in heck any sane person would do your H's bidding, must have paid them a whole butt load of coin. Being a tad mercenary myself, I'd take the money and shoot him. Evil Sister Spawn of Satan me is. 
*n.b. Shooting dream characters, is not real life...just in case anybody getting wiggly about my mind set...lol..what's left of it.
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Sept 14, 2013 15:42:26 GMT
I have no clue what all these dreams are about unless I just feel the need to be rescued...UGH! I quite like having them though because it gives me some entertainment lol. As for the hunters they were just working stiffs ya know? They didn't know he or I from Adam's house cat they were just making a paycheck. You are such an evil little spawn lol. Not really, just a no nonsense, no bullshit girl like me. I used to call myself evil too but in truth we're normal we just don't like being mistreated and we stand up for ourselves like any normal person does. |
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Post by Elementum on Sept 14, 2013 16:12:31 GMT
Wonder what the hell that would feel like? Once, nearly drowned...was not fun but I lived...LOL You know? I think the trick is to cry and scream and be a drug addict or some damn thing, then the White Knights come flocking out of closets. dunno.  Kinda makes me wonder why I get banned all the time....dunno...ya know? I mean...eeeesh.  Sheeple me is not. Follow the rules to the letter, but don't ever tell the truth.  Only tell it the way the PC constipated want to hear it? Yeah...screw that.
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Sept 15, 2013 7:07:36 GMT
No white knights for me thanks! I'll take one that's battle tested. I don't have the time or patience to break in anymore LMAO! LOL, PC constipated, great description. I agree. What's the point of sugar coating shit and calling it candy? It's still shit. And I don't believe anyone will ever accuse you or I of being sheeple. We tend to forget rules and just deal with reality |
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Post by Elementum on Sept 15, 2013 8:18:10 GMT
Yep.
Only when no one gets hurt ya know? It's...like the Law, some are really stupid laws. It may be Black and White, but as a very popular truism around here: The living is in the gray lines of the law. Treat people with respect and common decency you would a stranger on the street. How hard is that?
And the proviso to the above: If you are attacking me? It is wise to expect to get hurt. It's not a threat. It's a promise. That particular little part of my code was engraved on the soul after putting up with PD bs.
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Sept 15, 2013 12:35:22 GMT
Yep, agreed 100%
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Post by Elementum on Sept 15, 2013 13:44:37 GMT
This is such an excellent rendition of reactive abuse, kind of have to listen to it with the perspective of dealing with your PD. And a little psychology. Just switch the genders around.
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Only tell it the way the PC constipated want to hear it? Yeah...screw that.