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Post by Elementum on Sept 13, 2013 2:22:30 GMT
 Assertiveness Training This was something I did not have trouble with. Quite the reverse. Also probably why I am often a wild card on some of the boards and also my situation was a bit unique. Boundaries are crucial and nons will respect those boundaries. If there is a breach? A non will own it, apologize for it and not repeat the behavior. A PD will not. In fact they will continually instigate situations to get reactions out of their partner. Then blame the partner for their reactions, which then becomes "reactive abuse." Hope you find some of that helpful. NO is a great word. A PD will freak. A non, will...Ok. Most often, you don't need to get to that point. |
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 4, 2013 8:16:01 GMT
Boundaries are something I never knew I was allowed to have but now that I do I am setting them slowly. I have a new one I am implementing, it is the "No Drop It" boundary. What that means is that every time my husband makes a demand he expects me to drop whatever I am doing and immediately cater to him which, I usually do.
If I hesitate to immediately drop what I am doing he will whine, nag, bitch and eventually get pissed off and start a fight. If I say, wait, no or I don't feel like doing it he will demand to know why and then tell me that what I am doing is of no importance and that I have no reason not to do what he has asked or demanded of me. If I resist it ends up in a fight.
What he doesn't get is that I don't want to do anything for him at all because he doesn't appreciate anything and he has never earned my respect and since he has not earned my respect and has none for me then I am going to take the respect I deserve by setting my boundaries. He always has to learn the hard way...
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Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 4, 2013 8:31:46 GMT
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Post by Elementum on Oct 4, 2013 10:08:19 GMT
Some good info there.
This I am familiar with. Couple years ago put an end to it.
ASK clearly for what he wants. Do not expect me to read minds.
If he asked for help, I would help if I wasn't doing something else. But I am no carpenter nor electrician nor pretend to be, so I would get yelled at for doing whatever the flip it was wrong. So....often it didn't work well. So many times crap like that. So stupid and pointless. Communicate like a normal human being. Or piss off. I just am so tired to think of all this crap.
Boundaries are absolutely necessary. BPD? They don't have any, nor can they understand why another pushes back when we are having our crossed. Stbx did finally sort of get the message, but doesn't change the core. It remains as void as it ever was if not worse.
*n.b. Telling Me what to think? Not a good idea. Not when it's pushing an agenda. Spreading the word becomes almost "Jihad" or some damn thing. lol. Don't take some stuff overly seriously and anything that has to do with the Blue Pill and the PD Matrix? I grind my heels into the dirt and am pretty intractable.
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