Post by Eleanor Rigby on Sept 3, 2013 11:15:31 GMT
I'm sick of all the analyzing of myself and my bp/bpd+ husband and I am impatient to apply all that I have learned about dealing with him but when all is said and done what scares me the most is that I will fall right back into the same traps with someone new.
I feel as though I am fatally flawed and no matter how much I have been through or how much I learn to deal with PD's that I am like a broken machine doing only what it can do instead of all that it was intended for.
Maybe when it's all over and he is no longer an issue in my life all that I have experienced and learned will take stronger root. I am hopeful that once I regain my independence and finally have to rely solely on myself for everything that it will all kick in like auto-pilot.
Another thing that concerns me is that I have become so jaded, mistrustful of people's motives and just plain convinced that I am crazy that IF love does exist between humans I will never be able to recognize it because I have never seen it. Maybe the truth is that I am the crazy one and everyone else is sane.
Damn the demon voices in my head!!!
I feel as though I am fatally flawed and no matter how much I have been through or how much I learn to deal with PD's that I am like a broken machine doing only what it can do instead of all that it was intended for.
Maybe when it's all over and he is no longer an issue in my life all that I have experienced and learned will take stronger root. I am hopeful that once I regain my independence and finally have to rely solely on myself for everything that it will all kick in like auto-pilot.
Another thing that concerns me is that I have become so jaded, mistrustful of people's motives and just plain convinced that I am crazy that IF love does exist between humans I will never be able to recognize it because I have never seen it. Maybe the truth is that I am the crazy one and everyone else is sane.
Damn the demon voices in my head!!!
