Post by Eleanor Rigby on Mar 10, 2014 8:58:49 GMT
I know I've been gone from here for a while but I needed to come back to vent.
I have to get out of this situation any way I can. Every day is worse than the one before and it's going to come to a very ugly head soon. I am desperate to just walk away and never look back on the past 20 years. Desperate times call for desperate measures and I'm going to just have to bite the bullet and do what I have to do to survive. There is so much at stake if I get a job, walk away etc. I am putting myself at risk and I am crushing what little self esteem my H has left.
I know it's not all my fault that my marriage has failed but I am having a very difficult time not taking full blame so it will be easier to walk away. I feel as though I am going insane and I am on the verge of lashing out. We tiptoe around each other daily and the tension is getting to me big time. I want out and I'm getting to my breaking point but at the same time I'm afraid to give up. I know it's because I am hoping for a miracle that will never come. I know that every time he believes I am ready to walk that he hoovers me and now his mother is hoovering me as well. I know that when I do walk he will do all of the things I have begged him to do as an attempt to get me back. I pray that I have the strength to turn a deaf ear and a blind eye.
I'm just pathetic and spineless.
I have to get out of this situation any way I can. Every day is worse than the one before and it's going to come to a very ugly head soon. I am desperate to just walk away and never look back on the past 20 years. Desperate times call for desperate measures and I'm going to just have to bite the bullet and do what I have to do to survive. There is so much at stake if I get a job, walk away etc. I am putting myself at risk and I am crushing what little self esteem my H has left.
I know it's not all my fault that my marriage has failed but I am having a very difficult time not taking full blame so it will be easier to walk away. I feel as though I am going insane and I am on the verge of lashing out. We tiptoe around each other daily and the tension is getting to me big time. I want out and I'm getting to my breaking point but at the same time I'm afraid to give up. I know it's because I am hoping for a miracle that will never come. I know that every time he believes I am ready to walk that he hoovers me and now his mother is hoovering me as well. I know that when I do walk he will do all of the things I have begged him to do as an attempt to get me back. I pray that I have the strength to turn a deaf ear and a blind eye.
I'm just pathetic and spineless.
