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Post by CGisNuts on Nov 12, 2013 3:27:06 GMT
Does anyone know if it's possible to get depressed from a conversation with someone?
My mom and I always had a fairly decent relationship, but that meant I let allot of shit go because she is my mom, and she has some type of PD issues that I have always known existed. Not really sure what type of PD, and it doesn't really matter. Bottom line is she has issues, but they're her issues, not mine.
Growing up, I always knew she was crazy.
But now I can't figure when or why our relationship has gotten so bad. It's to the point that I can't even speak to her. She is miserable and wants others to join her. It started when the whole divorce started, she started bringing stuff up and would escalate it once I told her I didn't want to talk about things. She became more insistent the more I said no. She knew it and started pushing harder once she knew it was no, almost like a game to her.
She will over and over again push, needle, push, needle to talk about something I've said 5x is off limits. Like as if she just gets off on bringing it up.
The other thing is the 3-4 calls a day. No need. The call thing has been going on for years and she happens to call at bad times. Although there is no way she can know when it's a bad time of the day to call, I had asked her to only call after 4pm unless it was an emergency. Of course she didn't respect that, in fact the calls became more frequent.
I really don't see the need for a parent to call 4x a day, every day. I think maybe 3-4 times a week is normal.
But when I do call her or pick up it;s an immediate guilt trip, followed by a sort of mocking on why I am so busy, and that she can't understand how I am so busy all of the time. Her messages always include this, and she annunciates words like busy, client, too busy to pick up, etc.
The flip side is my lazy slob, glutton sister who sleeps till 11, pays no rent, works part time at a job she's late to and now has lost. She has enabled her to be the way she is, but always says we need to help her, but give her understanding and support. Bottom line is she sees her behavior as acceptable, but busting your ass as something bad.
The day I moved and was trying to settle and unpack into my new place, after 8 back and forth car trips to move, my mom started on this kick of me driving an hour to come and visit. What normal person, knowing someone needs to unpack, would expect someone to drive for a visit and leave the new place a mess?
The calls, and the insisting on driving down to see her, guilt and talking about off limit stuff has really put a huge divide between us.
Lat night she did that whole routine and it's such a killer.
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Post by Elementum on Nov 12, 2013 4:15:46 GMT
CG, that sounds really frustrating. I don't have this experience with my parents at all. Quite the opposite.
3-4X / week to call ? I am lucky to get that in a 6 months period.
Quite the difference in the siblings. Same here. Sis...not good.
Depressing? Sure. Breathe in Breathe Out.
VLC is very useful. I don't know what I would be telling my parents 3-4X a week. They have their own lives to live as I do mine. Maybe your mother is bored? I don't know. But it would feel rather intrusive to me.
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Post by CGisNuts on Nov 12, 2013 4:43:20 GMT
If I was to sit here and explain how she annonciates certain words, I'd be here all night.
She does it to make some point, like mocking or something. Uses guilt in it as well.
I wish I could be here for her since her sister just died, but I feel this huge void, that I don't want to feel, but it's here.
She does and says really nasty stuff on purpose knowing that it hurts people, then plays the victim. She knows what she says, it continues to do it.
She has said some horrible stuff to people at the worst times.
She is a good person who is really sick, but she has made it impossible for people to forgive, because she'll do it again.
On every conversation she'll insist that she's worried about me, and even after I tell her everything is okay, she'll go on an address what she thinks is wrong, almost to bring it up, when it's not there, but she wants it to be there.
She wants to be needed by creating issues that just don't exist, and it seems she wants me to hear everything she thinks is wrong, just to bring them up, to say them and put it into my head.
She insisted that I'm lonely and sad and depressed when I'mnot, but she enjoyed outlining them. And she would not move on, sprinkling them in, after 3x telling her those things don't exist.
Her actions and the way she babies sister, then asks for sympathy, furthers the void. My sister is a slob, who my mom has bailed out 100x. 30 people put together don't have the breaks she's had, and it's made it worse.
My sister is a nasty little pig who gives you the finger in a fuck you tone when you try to give her advice, so I have stopped.
My mom has major control issues and any type of visit or being around her is miserable because she makes it that way, I think on purpose.
Her actions have also drove 99% of her family away. Some things are really bad. She is at fault for most of them.
When someone does try to reach out to her, she declines the invite and will be really obnoxious about it, making people regret even reaching out. She has often caused huge scenes, just because she likes the chaos.
As I said, visits are usually miserable, always.
She usually pushes again and again till something or someone explodes, then says sorry.... broken record last 10 years.
Long story short, I cannot even take talking anymore. Right now my mom needs a shoulder, and I can't do it. Sounds horrible but she has driven me so far away.
By pushing, over and over, like someone driving a knife slowly into your side.
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Post by Elementum on Nov 12, 2013 7:17:42 GMT
Irritating. Like she knows your soft spots or something? Guilt is ours though. They cannot make us feel guilty without our permission. Weird concept I know, but it does work like that. If you have not done anything wrong, where does the guilt come from?
Mocking? Shove that noise. I can't stand that. Didn't get that from the FOO, but from stbx? Yep...shove it. I don't have time for it. It's just a vulgar childish put down. Get out of my face with that crap if you can't come up with something better.
Brutal. It's one thing to screw up , own it , apologize for it and another to do it deliberately and with intent. Then "sorry" don't mean squat as far as I am concerned.
Don't you just "love" being told how you feel? *Not* I'm almost jealous, least you have someone who cares to even bother asking..LOL
Stopped over 20 years ago trying to engage my sis. *meh* What you can do? Nothing. Don't need the headache either.
What she need a shoulder for? Doesn't she have your father to lean on? Your sister? Don't know why she is wanting to lean on your wrt your divorce.
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Post by CGisNuts on Nov 12, 2013 12:41:37 GMT
Parents are divorced and sister would never sit and talk to my mom, although she lives rent free and Mom pays her bills, gets her out of financial messes and supports her all around.
Sister only cares for herself, although my mom falls for her ruse. It's always same nonsense for the last 20 years.
Bottom line is when I talk to her, I seem to get down after, when I see her, it's a friggin insane asylum.
I have just been calling 2x a week, for 5-10 minutes. Not much to catch up on either. She needs to find something.
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Post by Elementum on Nov 12, 2013 14:51:30 GMT
She is your mother's creation. Nothing you can do about it. Same with my sis. Out of my hands. Used to worry and fret and look for solutions and blah blah blah ...dad would not hear of it. Well, now he does. Bit late in the game but the police got involved and he had not much choice. Mom was at the end of her rope.
VLC? Might be the way to go. Sounds toxic. Don't know the back ground on your mom and what she is like, think was mentioned on "the site" she is N? Not a pleasant creature to be raised by from what I have read.
Feeling down makes sense, then may want to further limit those calls to matters of relevance? Dunno. But, one day she will be gone as well. SO...tough call. My dad drives me nutz. He's not all bad, and not all good. He's dad. We used to square off something fierce. But now? *meh* Breathe in. breathe out. It's not a big deal. Whatever. FOO is strange, they are who they are. Can't allow it to get to me. Have enough BS to deal with as it is.
My pat answer to that one since time immemorial, She needs to get a JOB. If too old to work? Fine. Volunteer somewhere.
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Post by CGisNuts on Nov 12, 2013 18:02:03 GMT
She does work. Often the voice mail are "on my way to work" "on break" "taking a shower"
She works to support my sister. The girl who can't put $20 of gas in her care is now preggy. LOL
She's overjoyed (sister) and yes that stupid.
She believes magic will put food on the table and will be able to raise a kid when she can't buy lunch.
My mom is 100% responsible for the monster she raised.
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Post by Elementum on Nov 12, 2013 20:34:03 GMT
FFS! *shakes head* How old is she? What is her excuse to not work? Just curious...  Cracks me up the most, she is RC I am guessing, so, abortion is not an option, but premarital sex is. Hypocrisy knows no bounds. Can kind of see why your mom calls you though. You're sane by comparison. even crazy must get sick of crazy on some level of awareness. |
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Post by CGisNuts on Nov 12, 2013 22:06:37 GMT
My sister should not have let herself get pregnant. She is 30 years old, has a part time job which pays nothing to live on. She has no drive to better herself and no understanding of why or how to better herself. She relies on my mom to support her, yet doesn't understand why this has no future and why her laziness and doing nothing has led to failure.
She believes she knows it all, yet she knows nothing. She blames everyone but herself for where she is.
Now she's going to have a baby? The girl who can't afford gas somehow thinks she is going to afford a baby?
Just the fact that she is pregnant and thinks it's great is a big problem.
I don't talk to sister anymore (not NC, just don't call or Pick up) because she's made my mom at 70 work full time to pay her bills. It's disgusting and shameful.
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Post by Elementum on Nov 13, 2013 2:48:05 GMT
Reads like she has a problem with basic Math as well. Where is the father of the baby in this picture? Takes two to make a baby. Feel sorry for him though. Generally the case with some of these types isn't it? My sis same thing. But now? She's completely gone. Least yours is still relatively sane. My father's creation with sis and your mother's with your sis. Major problem! My sis was thinking same a few years ago. Crazy. Years ago she would call me and come up with this sort of bs, and I told her she needed to grab a brain. FOO = Depressing if you think about it too much. Breathe in, breathe out, nothing you nor I , nor anyone else can do about it. They are who they are. Acceptance. Doesn't mean I have to live with them and I don't. There is a reason for that.  Around here , filial piety is a big thing. And it works both ways. But, there is a but, not always. Many many many people have crazy FOO. It's the way of the world. Some have it worse than others. Some have lovely FOO. Some not. Are you in contact with your dad? Where does he fit into the picture? If you could change something? What would it be? |
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Cracks me up the most, she is RC I am guessing, so, abortion is not an option, but premarital sex is. Hypocrisy knows no bounds. 