The Silver Lining....

That is what we can Do and must Do or get trapped with the anger and resentment. And did I ever spend a lot of time there. From what I am reading on the boards, it's the ones that honored their anger that seemed to have made it out with a little less soul crushing damage. A little...not much. But a different perspective and appreciation of the self / core.

Almost. I forgave him the first time the incidents happened. One time, sometimes twice...but after that I could not. I remember him years ago demanding that I forgive him. And then when it happened again, he told me I forgave him. But to forgive another doesn't constitute that it is somehow allowed to happen again and again.

Wish I could forget, but I can't. Forgot lots of stuff, the smaller incidents, the things that should not ever happen and they pop up when I am driving or doing stuff and it's a lot. It's weird. The polar opposites of this shitty disorder are what kill me. The extremes. The good/ bad and the inability to walk the middle ground. The blank lack of awareness though, that through the soul a goring blow. Just no awareness. None. I look at him and wonder how he can do it. The crap I did? Still haunts me. All of it. The crazy boundaries I turned into a game for myself. How to survive the chaos, I can survive anything when I know there is a dead line on how long I have to keep the focus. But, there is no dead line on his "changing" or "seeing the light."

Way too much strange stuff and worse....what of the stuff I don't know? Do I want to? Probably not.

What was/ is your silver lining CG?