Post by Elementum on Oct 23, 2013 7:10:40 GMT
Role of Shame in BPD
A very good article about the role of shame in BPD. I have said many times how shame plays a central role in BPD. Frankly, I feel that shame feelings are biological in BPD. In the article he says abuse is the cause, but I feel that shame in BPD is like sadness in clinical depression – it just exists even if there is no cause. Maybe there are two types of BPD, one that is biological and one that is caused by abuse? Or maybe the one that is caused by abuse is PTSD and not BPD? Anyway, here is an excerpt:
Dr. Donald Nathanson has pioneered the study of shame and its relationship to the psychotherapeutic process. He defines four categories of learned responses to shame, which he visualizes as the four points on a compass. On one axis lies “Withdrawal” at one pole and “Avoidance” at the other. On the other axis lie “Attack self” and “Attack others.”
“Withdrawal” behaviors include various forms of hiding from others, ranging from averting ones eyes and maintaining silence in the presence of others to reclusiveness and flight. Withdrawal can lead to isolation and feelings of abandonment, confirming the belief that we are unworthy of the company of others and therefore reinforcing shame.
“Attacking self” includes a repertoire of behaviors that are designed to protect us from abandonment at all costs. These are self-negating, submissive gestures that acknowledge the superior power of another, whose presence has become important to us. This can also contribute to the cycle of abuse.
“Avoidance” includes all the behaviors that are designed to keep from feeling the shame. This ranges from the use of drugs and alcohol to obliterate feeling to the distractions of sexual indulgence, materialism, and vanity. Avoidant behaviors include a variety of things we do to cover up the defects that we imagine others see in us. They are often cosmetic in quality and serve to distract both ourselves and others from these defects.
“Attacking others” includes a repertoire of desperate behaviors that serve to belittle others as a last ditch attempt to rescue self-esteem by feeling bigger at another’s expense. The attacks may come in words or actions. These behaviors inevitably distance us from others, again raising the threat of abandonment. These behaviors also result in shaming others and pass the wounds along.
There is a wealth of information on BPD available at that site.
The Truth Behind The Masks of BPD
BPD from the Inside Out.
The borderline must re-build his/her ego from the inside out. Borderlines must be willing to deal with the truth and nothing but the truth in order to get well. They must step out from behind some of the most creative and intelligent masks of deceit, self-protection, drama, chaos, anger and the like in order to re-experience the pain that they have been hiding from.
It is the re-experiencing of this pain in a new way, as an adult, and not as a child, that enables healing to take place. Each borderline must reclaim both his/her truth and pain in order to learn that the "monster" that they are running from is not out there but is inside of them. The "monster" of BPD lies within the psyche of each and every borderline. The "monster" is the repressed pain and trauma of the borderline and it is NOT the person with Borderline Personality Disorder.
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Unfortunately, the masks and the denial make it virtually impossible to get through to a pwBPD. They have to want to get better, to change for themselves. We can't do it for them. And if we stay, we only enable them. Catch 22.
A very good article about the role of shame in BPD. I have said many times how shame plays a central role in BPD. Frankly, I feel that shame feelings are biological in BPD. In the article he says abuse is the cause, but I feel that shame in BPD is like sadness in clinical depression – it just exists even if there is no cause. Maybe there are two types of BPD, one that is biological and one that is caused by abuse? Or maybe the one that is caused by abuse is PTSD and not BPD? Anyway, here is an excerpt:
Dr. Donald Nathanson has pioneered the study of shame and its relationship to the psychotherapeutic process. He defines four categories of learned responses to shame, which he visualizes as the four points on a compass. On one axis lies “Withdrawal” at one pole and “Avoidance” at the other. On the other axis lie “Attack self” and “Attack others.”
“Withdrawal” behaviors include various forms of hiding from others, ranging from averting ones eyes and maintaining silence in the presence of others to reclusiveness and flight. Withdrawal can lead to isolation and feelings of abandonment, confirming the belief that we are unworthy of the company of others and therefore reinforcing shame.
“Attacking self” includes a repertoire of behaviors that are designed to protect us from abandonment at all costs. These are self-negating, submissive gestures that acknowledge the superior power of another, whose presence has become important to us. This can also contribute to the cycle of abuse.
“Avoidance” includes all the behaviors that are designed to keep from feeling the shame. This ranges from the use of drugs and alcohol to obliterate feeling to the distractions of sexual indulgence, materialism, and vanity. Avoidant behaviors include a variety of things we do to cover up the defects that we imagine others see in us. They are often cosmetic in quality and serve to distract both ourselves and others from these defects.
“Attacking others” includes a repertoire of desperate behaviors that serve to belittle others as a last ditch attempt to rescue self-esteem by feeling bigger at another’s expense. The attacks may come in words or actions. These behaviors inevitably distance us from others, again raising the threat of abandonment. These behaviors also result in shaming others and pass the wounds along.
There is a wealth of information on BPD available at that site.
The Truth Behind The Masks of BPD
BPD from the Inside Out.
The borderline must re-build his/her ego from the inside out. Borderlines must be willing to deal with the truth and nothing but the truth in order to get well. They must step out from behind some of the most creative and intelligent masks of deceit, self-protection, drama, chaos, anger and the like in order to re-experience the pain that they have been hiding from.
It is the re-experiencing of this pain in a new way, as an adult, and not as a child, that enables healing to take place. Each borderline must reclaim both his/her truth and pain in order to learn that the "monster" that they are running from is not out there but is inside of them. The "monster" of BPD lies within the psyche of each and every borderline. The "monster" is the repressed pain and trauma of the borderline and it is NOT the person with Borderline Personality Disorder.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Unfortunately, the masks and the denial make it virtually impossible to get through to a pwBPD. They have to want to get better, to change for themselves. We can't do it for them. And if we stay, we only enable them. Catch 22.