EX UNBPD/NPD told me he did not like my personality

Maybe cause you felt he was saying it out of anger. Because why would someone be with us if they didn't like us?

In a relationship with a PD, it's constant chaos and hard to think straight. It's always something. Always walking on eggshells.

Mine used my personality against me to try to say I was insane, yet that's why she fell for me, and she really knows that.

I am kind of crazy (in a good way). I do say crazy stuff and do crazy things because that's how I am, so I can't change it. I do not get embarresed and say what's on my wind (within reason). I do enjoy every minute of life and to a point I don't care.

So, in your case, you may have felt that he was saying that to hurt you. They do think we are their personal assistants and door mats, that is the big problem. And like in my case, they'll use whatever they can.

They do, because of their actions.
My ex used to say that to me and it made no sense. She used to say I was using her.

But that was her defense against me leaving, as she tried to make me believe that. I never did but she would always talk about "making it up to me"

He didn't like that you were standing up for yourself. That is the part of your personality that he doesn't like. He like your personality just fine when he was able to say and do whatever he wanted and use you as he pleased and you said and did nothing about it.

That seems to be pretty common for an abusive manipulator to turn on you once you start seeing them for what they really are and start calling them on it. They can't tolerate anyone chipping away at that mask they wear.No throwing stones at the image of themselves that they try to project to the world. The only "personality" they like is the one they can completely control and manipulate at will and in reality they don't even like them. The reflection they get back from them is one of a weak,spineless fool. There is no winning with them. No matter what you say or what you do you are going to wear whatever negative emotion, thought or action they are feeling about themselves. That is your purpose in their lives.


My husband kept saying to me "I want my old wife back" "Umm no. She's long dead and gone. You killed her. Now Frankenstein, you are stuck with the monster you created."

Thank yall. Yall always help me see that crap for what it is. I heard him use the same line to. Many times. I do believe yall right on.  

The crazy thing is that now that I am out of it, all of the things that the ex said and did now hits me out of no where sometimes like a ton of bricks and sometimes just a brick at a time. I am puttin the pieces together and can say "oh that is what that was all about". I really didn't see him for what he was while I was with him. I really thought he was just troubled and just couldn't get it together. Even though in the end I recognized the lieing and felt like he was hidin somethin from me. I remembered the time he hit me several times with his fist and bruised the whole side of my face, but had forgotten the few other times he had hit me. Sorry but I hope someone does to his face what he did to mine. Just sayin. I always have felt since childhood that the things said to you stick longer with you than a beatin. That is exactly what I am fightin now the words said to me that he used to try to destroy my spirit. I have no choice but to deal with it. I can't escape those words and statements. There is no way I can avoid it and I have tried my best to shut it down in my head, but I found that I am unable to do that. I have no choice but to just deal with it when those thoughts come in. Sometimes I can deal with it on my own, but then sometimes when they won't leave me alone I have to come to you guys for your input. Yall helped me so much yesterday. You just don't know. As soon as I took in your thoughts on it and compared them to what I was thinkin it all started makin a sense. I could throw those statements he made to me in the trash where they belong. Those particular thoughts stopped hittin me in the head. I went back to listenin to my audio book Victory of Verbal Abuse by Patricia Evans. I love that book because there are so many other women that she interviewed who went through the exact same thing. There are chapters within where she has also given info on how to move past the abuse with positive affirmations as well as using mindfulness (I need to check that out more to to really understand the practice of mindfulness) and just gettin the the point where when a negative comment they said can be nuetralized/bannished with your command "Erase" then replace with positive affirmation/truth about myself.

I am definitely seein all the good around me in a more magnified way now. Especially, all the family and friends who truly love me. He really worked hard on tryin to isolate me from them. That alone really drove me crazy to. He really poured on the negativity and kept tryin to make me think they were somehow brainwashin me. Brainwashin was one of his favorite words. I realize now only becuase that was what he was tryin to do to me. Manipulate and brainwash! The other was "I'm only tryin to preserve you". Preserve bein his second favorite. I get it now. So glad it's over!

 You can  certainly message me. I understand completely. Their attempt to humiliate and embarrass us is just one more aspect of their abuse intended to crush us so the can control us. I'd be more than happy to try to help you take the sting out of whatever poison dart he threw at you.

The reason you were having such a hard time seeing him for who he really was while IN the relationship is also part of "their game". They bombard you with so much so often you are most often left with a nagging doubt in the back of your mind that it is you "over reacting" or something and giving them the benefit of the doubt.

It is truly human nature to see yourself in other people. Because our intentions and hearts are basically good and not out to hurt others we tend to always seek the good in other people. Since their intentions are primarily bad and with NO heart (empathy) for other people they are constantly accusing us of every negative that is in them. This becomes a very serious problem when someone from one end of the spectrum is in a relationship with someone from the far end of that spectrum.

You know even with as much experience, knowledge and wisdom I have gained over all these many many years dealing with and studying people I STILL sometimes struggled to convince myself that the spade I was seeing was REALLY the spade I was seeing. I had to literally fight with myself NOT to doubt that fact. It does take a LOT of work and self discipline to be able to do it but it is not only well worth it it is necessary to our survival from these type people.

I am sure at this point that you can understand that the reasons his favorite statements were "They are brainwashing you" and "I am only trying to preserve you" is because it was HIM that was trying to brainwash you and HIM trying to preserve his control over you.

Indeed even the air around them is hostile. It was the same for us.We could feel him walk in the door before we saw or heard him. That takes some serious spiritual darkness to cause that. That is an aspect of this whole thing that is harder for me to help others with to get them to understand it and learn how to cope with it. As a Christian trying to help others who are not it can sometimes derail the progress. There are just some aspects of this abuse that only prayer could heal for me completely.

indeed he is the most likely cause of your nasty emails and other smut showing up out of the blue on your computer. I had the same thing happen to mine when my husbands computer was "down" he for some insane reason was dumb enough (or maybe not so dumb as he was the master of set ups) to use mine to go to porn sites. Umm yeah they are riddled with worms and viruses and all kinds of crap that infiltrate your computer and then bombard you with even more filth.
The depravity of some of the things I found on his computer completely shut me down. I was so disgusted I was physically ill. That took a lot too. I have an "iron stomach" I am a nurse and I have seen heard smelled a lot of VERY nasty things so for something visual to cause me to vomit it was profound. That is something I STILL have to actively force out of my mind so it can't set that whole ordeal off again in my head.

He came downstairs when I was yanking all this crap out of sub folder that he THOUGHT I would never find but came right up when I put a search in for a photo of a family member that I knew was there somewhere. The look on his face and the outright fear I felt in the air told me so much more than any words ever could.

Naturally he tried to blame "his friend". HE sat on our computer for hours on end collecting all this depraved filth and abuse of women.Yes and my husband did nothing to stop him? Yes and he somehow forced my husband to save it all for repeated viewings?

Every time I slammed one of his excused to the floor he would try another one! Well don't you know? He did it but it was so he could tell if there was something wrong with HIM or not! Seriously he did. Yeah boy somethings wrong with you alright.