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Sept 3, 2013 13:06:37 GMT
Post by Elementum on Sept 3, 2013 13:06:37 GMT
Not a topic that is uber comfy, but one that causes so much pain be it male / female in a PD'd relationshit.
The topic came up at the other place, and we started digging into it, and more and more and more people popped in to share some of what was happening in their r/s. It's brutal.
PD's use sex as a tool to manipulate, control and shame their partners. It's horrible. Sex is a natural need/ want and desire. But when it is perverted and used against the partner as is often the case with a PD'd partner, the damage is excruciating.
Some of the things that happened to ladies that were posted, make me want to scream and do other nasty things to their partners. NO. You can say NO to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or is not something that interests a person. A caring partner won't be pushing you past your comfort levels anyways.
Rejection, is the flip side of PDville. That's another hole in the psyche.
Anyhoo...opening up the topic. Shame ties into this one as well. It's NOT yours to own.
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Sept 7, 2013 3:45:12 GMT
Post by Eleanor Rigby on Sept 7, 2013 3:45:12 GMT
No sex for me thanks. I've had more than enough abuse and pseudo love in the name of sex than I care to remember. Sex anymore is just a meaningless unnecessary act used only to abuse, manipulate or humiliate someone into emotional slavery. I'll leave the sexcapades to the teens and 20 somethings cause I'm just not interested anymore.
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Sept 7, 2013 3:57:45 GMT
Post by Elementum on Sept 7, 2013 3:57:45 GMT
(((ER))
Based on what I know from your other posts, can't blame you for that stance. Not one bit.
Sex is not supposed to be the crap fest that PD's do with it. Just floored me how many people had such horrible experiences with it at the hands of their PD mates. Again, comes down to a question of boundaries.
Was speaking with my GF 2 nights ago, she too escaped a really garbage r/s with 3 kids. He never hit her, but she was raped every night for 10 years. So which is worse?
I'll take a punch first over that. It is illegal and a person can be charged for it, however it is far less damaging than the other I believe.
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Sept 7, 2013 4:19:57 GMT
Post by Eleanor Rigby on Sept 7, 2013 4:19:57 GMT
I feel bad for your friend, marital rape is no less traumatizing than any other rape it's just harder to prosecute. I'm glad she got out with her babies.
I'm too strong physically for most men or even women to overpower me. They would have to damn near kill me to even knock me unconscious, I know, some have tried lol. In fact most people are afraid to approach me because they find me very intimidating. I guess it's the no shit attitude I have. My guard rarely goes down anymore, I used to allow people in after a while when I was a kid but now you'd have better luck robbing Fort Knox.
The first impression people get of me is that I am mean and an ass kicker, they aren't wrong but what they don't understand is I'm not mean for the sake of being mean nor do I fight for the sake of fighting. I must be provoked and if you are stupid enough to provoke me then you will pay the consequences. I have an attitude I'll give you that and if you even think about putting your hands on me to hurt me you'll pull back a bloody stump but to be that way just for fun? No.
I guess I am safe in that way because I am tall enough and broad enough to appear intimidating and people would rather pass me up lol. I also grew up on 2 commercial family farms that required me to have good upper and lower body strength. I had to herd cows and hogs and load them onto the trucks for market. I had to hold down half grown hogs so they could be neutered, I had to help deliver cattle and piglets while holding down the mothers at times. I had to stack haybales, load and unload them onto the truck to take out to the fields for the animals. I had to slop hogs with 5 gallon buckets and I had several horses I had to care for and so on and so on. I did not grow up living the easy life, I had to work. I never got a summer vacation until I was 13 years old. I have literally worked all of my life since I was 4 years old.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have no time for people and their BS and it seems that's all I get. I have no desire any longer to find love and no energy to even "be in love" I really don't think love outside of that between a parent and a child actually exist. I just have no faith in humanity at all anymore and so I think it's better if I just go it alone. Sorry to ramble I'm just having a bad few days here and I'm irritable.
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Sept 7, 2013 6:30:21 GMT
Post by Elementum on Sept 7, 2013 6:30:21 GMT
Can and do relate to that for different reasons, but same out come.
((((ER))))))
As far as "love"...yeah....kind of not much a believer either. I see it happen for others, and am happy for them, but given the last years....would have to bang me over the head.
I am lucky to have a few close friends that I do Love completely. Women, good people. No, I'm not gay. You're not Alone ER, you just live way too far away. Wish you were closer. ((((ER)))) Feel for you.
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Sept 7, 2013 7:20:43 GMT
Post by Eleanor Rigby on Sept 7, 2013 7:20:43 GMT
Ugh! I sound like I'm whining. I really hate these times when I get down on myself and the world. I know it's all in what you make it and most of the time I can be positive but sometimes these dark moods come over me and all I can do is sleep and the few hours a day that I am awake I'm pissed off at myself and the world.
This is one of those times when I sleep 18 hours a day off and on. I really need my meds adjusted lol but seriously I need to be free even if that just means free to do something I want to do without getting interrogated or read the riot act. Maybe when I am free I won't need so much medication to keep me from getting buried in this dark pit. Just waiting on October, hang in there Eleanor, you've come this far, you can hang on just a few more weeks, just a few more weeks...
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Sept 7, 2013 8:55:53 GMT
Post by Elementum on Sept 7, 2013 8:55:53 GMT
October? Looks like you may have shoved your time frame forward...  ((((ER)))) I think we are living parallel existences or what?  Shoved mine forward in May of this year. Couldn't do it any longer, pulled every trick in the book available to me, and the Universe delivered!!! Hallelujah!!! Leapt over phase 3 as that was getting depressing and jumped on phase 4. That's in the works as I type and ....see what happens...looks that it will be pretty decent, but unknown. Anything is better than nothing. Pretty certain once you are OUT, that the need for meds and stabilizers will diminish huge time. Being around PD dead zone just about annihilated me in June. |
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Sept 7, 2013 8:57:33 GMT
Post by Eleanor Rigby on Sept 7, 2013 8:57:33 GMT
October is when I get to start college so in a way it is the beginning of my out.
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Sept 7, 2013 9:40:55 GMT
Post by Elementum on Sept 7, 2013 9:40:55 GMT
Got it!
Hope he doesn't raise hell around you studying!!
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Sept 7, 2013 9:48:48 GMT
Post by Eleanor Rigby on Sept 7, 2013 9:48:48 GMT
That above anything is my biggest concern.
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Sept 29, 2013 10:18:43 GMT
Post by raindrops on Sept 29, 2013 10:18:43 GMT
I am managing to study whilst fending off the PD divorce BS. It's good for getting head space. Provided he doesn't take up too much of your time (all the paperwork etc) it can be a really healing thing - something you are doing for you and something he can't take away from you because it is in your head not an asset he can profit from.
When I et anywhere near a guy who might be interested in me I spook big time! Mind you the one or two there have been have had some serious issues and heavens knows I don't want to row that boat anymore!!!
The desire for sex has completely died for me. In fact the desire for a relationship has died too. Maybe when semester is over I will want to get into something again - then again maybe not. Just feeling very very unattractive, my self esteem is completely floored. I've put on a fair bit of weight and just feel gross. I have been going for walks and watching what I eat carefully but just feel lifeless. That's part of the original problem I guess - I felt like no man would ever want me and so when one did I married him. Then I got to become his unpaid whore and now it's all just completely broken.
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Oct 1, 2013 5:39:52 GMT
Post by Eleanor Rigby on Oct 1, 2013 5:39:52 GMT
Raindrops, your story sounds a lot like mine in several ways. I need a long break from feelings and r/s. I'm not even separated yet and I'm already spooked about someone showing interest in me. I have gained a lot of weight, have little to no self esteem and feel dead inside with no energy for living. I spend a great deal of time being sedentary because I just have no lust for life most days. I guess misery does love company because PD's are a miserable lot hell bent on making everyone around them just as miserable and it works.
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